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Liz McDonald is officially my favourite Corrie character, well at the moment, anyway. And when I say ‘favourite’ I do of course mean ‘second favourite to Spider’. But anyway, this week she was in her glory in the back room of the pub. Fag in hand, clad in leopard print, cleavage all over the place, holding court and dishing advice, falling out with her newest barmaid Michelle and keeping on the good side of Betty, just in case. She’s a worthy successor to the best barmaid of all time, Bet Lynch, but with her own style, a rocky past and big bumps in front of her. When an estate agent with a face like a wet Thursday morning comes round to value the pub, Liz is upset and angry that Bev and Fred hadn’t mentioned they were thinking of selling. Steve’s all for his mum getting a loan and buying the place herself, a plan on which she’s thinking.
David’s still bunking off school and tells his mum he’s being bullied by the big lads who taunt him with: “What do you call someone who can’t tell the difference between Blind Date and Crimewatch? David Platt’s mum!”. It’s all lies of course and Gail confides to Audrey that she’s not sure David’s telling the truth any more. Oh, wake up and smell the playstation, Gail. She drags David to the Headmaster where he picks three names at random and tells the Head they’re the bullies who are picking on him before he saunters home to watch daytime TV and style his hair like Oddbod Junior from Carry on Screaming.
Liam and Paul Connor, new brothers of the parish, stitch up Adam Barlow, knicker-boy and general numbskull, good and proper. They convince him his share of the factory is worth half of what he thinks it is and then buy it from him at the knock down price. Danny’s not going to be best pleased when he returns to find himself being partners in a business with Weatherfield’s answer to the Mitchell brothers. I quite like them though, I have to admit. Liam’s a bit thick and looks like a Thunderbird puppet (as does sister Michelle the barmaid) while Paul is older and wiser with a proper Coronation Street face and doesn’t appear to be remote controlled.
Violet moves in with Jamie at Frankie’s place and although he makes all the right noises about living with his girlfriend, you can tell that He’s Just Not That Into Her. On Violet’s first night in her new home, Jamie goes out on the beer with Sean on Canal Street. Now I’m not one to gossip, as you know, but if I was Violet, I’d be a bit worried.
It’s Sean’s 30th birthday this coming Friday night and a karaoke night has been planned for the Rovers. Liz fully intends to wipe the floor with Michelle on the karaoke machine, knocking her socks off with I Will Survive, no doubt, while Michelle (Kym Marsh) could perform a medly of her hit.
Claire’s post-natal depression hits a new low this week when she took Thomas back to th’ospickle, convinced she picked up the wrong baby in the maternity ward. She dumps the baby in the ladies loo and heads home to pick up t’other son Josh. She’d told Ashley she was going to see her dying mum, so Ashley, as you can imagine, got quite a shock when Claire’s mum turned up in the butcher shop as fit as a fiddle except for a twinge in her knee. When Claire returns home, all hell is let loose. Ashley and her mum have a right old go at her, can’t understand what she’s going through and you just feel so very, very sorry for Claire. Julia Haworth who plays Claire has been doing a fantastic job in this role lately and if she doesn’t win best dramatic performance at next years soap awards, I’ll eat my trilby.
And finally this week, Cilla starts selling off all the stuff in their house on eBay to raise cash to pay the bills. Well, that’s the theory anyway but when Yana persuades her mate to splash the cash on fun instead of on food at Freshco, Cilla doesn’t need much tempting. She books a holiday to Ayia Napa with her mate and tells Les she’s leaving him and Chesney home alone with empty cupboards and no food.
See you in three weeks time!
Glenda
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