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“Did your mam just pick up my dad?” asks an astonished Kev to a shocked Gail as Audrey out-brazens herself to go on the pull for Bill Webster. They share a pint in the Rovers before Audrey offers to cook Bill dinner at her place and he’s straight round there, no questions asked and none answered either. Audrey cooks foreign stuff for Bill – Chicken Kiev with Black Forest Gateau and it all got a bit festive when her microwave went ding. Then dong. Then merrily on high. (Sorry, I saw that on a Christmas card this week and I couldn’t resist recycling it. It still makes me chuckle but then I’m easily pleased). Bill takes up Audrey’s kind offer of spending the night there instead of walking home with all that food inside him and he fair nearly knocks her off her feet as he sweeps her out of the kitchen and up the apples and pears to Bedfordshire. The Websters and Platts are shocked by the antics of the saucy soap oaps, a role that Bill and Audrey were made for. “Step on it gorgeous, and take me to your love palace!” yells Bill as he moves in with Audrey and she drives him away in the car. “Bill, mah love, oh, honestlah,” coos Audrey. Ooh, what’ll Bill’s wife Maureen say when she turns up soon? Even Rita calls Audrey brazen.
Violet’s violently sick in the ladies loo at the Rovers and Michelle guesses she’s pregnant. Either that or she’s been eating the pot pourri. She’s pregnant. She’s two months gone and the father is Jamie but she wants to keep it under her hat for now. If she’d done that in the first place she wouldn’t be in this much trouble now.
When Norris finds more graffiti on the street he hits on a plan to nab the culprit again after spying through night vision goggles failed miserably last week. He plays to his strengths and sets up camp in the Kabin and with a flask of hot tea and a packet of midget gems, waits with lights out and baited breath for the spray painting to start. When it does, Norris rushes out of the shop and corners a hoodlum in a hoodie. It’s Ryan Connor, son of Michelle, barmaid of the parish. Norris bundles him into the shop, locks the door and calls the cops but it’s Norris who’s taken in for questioning when Ryan denies all and complains about being kidnapped in the Kabin. Amber summed it up to Norris with: “You can’t lock children in shops. Everyone will think you’re well pervy”. Innit though.
It’s baby Freddie’s christening and godmother Eileen’s in her best bib and tucker for her baptism at the font. Roy’s the godfather after being made an offer he couldn’t refuse. Back at the Peacock’s later there’s some chitchat about godparents when Claire’s mum asked Kev if he was godfather to anyone. Kev replied he sends a tenner in an envelope to his mate Curly’s little lad every now and then. It was nice to hear a mention of Curly, even if it was only fleeting. Roy admitted being godfather to Bethany Platt and Amy Barlow and having coded stickers for birthdays on the Cropper calendar. Ah, bless.
Sophie gets psychic powers as she’s walking down the street. She passes Jack Duckworth and yells out “Vince St Clair” who you might remember was Jack’s alter ego once upon a very long time ago. Then later in the Kabin she calls out the name of that brazen hussy (not Audrey this time) Dulcie Froggatt. Dulcie Froggat, eh? There’s a name that brings back window-cleaning and hanky-panky memories for Jack but how does Sophie know so much?
Charlie tells Tracy he’s sick of her antics and wants her to move out. But after a bit of slap and tickle (he’s fickle) he changes his mind and lets her stay. They pop out to the Rovers for a bite to eat and Claire sees the pair of them being all post-coital in the pub. Tracy knows her plan is going to backfire if she’s not careful so she has to raise her game and make it look as if Charlie is being really evil. Pouring half a bottle of vodka down her neck, she burns herself on her arm with the iron, pretending Charlie’s done it. And remember children, don’t try this at home.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
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