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Check out the Coronation Street Blog - it's FAB
Glenda was on holiday. This week's update written by Janet Waterhouse
Over in Corrieland, it's Fiz's 18th. Toyah is really upset that her mother
hasn't even sent a card (I don't want to go into it, it brings back bad
memories, but not of anyone in MY family), but Fiz is more philosophical
(speaking of mothers, where has Janice been lately?) Anyway, Toyah tells
Kirk as Fiz was too afraid that he wouldn't get her anything if he knew.
He's skint, but borrows money from Les who gives him the best piece of
advice he could come up with on short notice: Don't buy her a deep fat
fryer! Instead, Kirk springs for some perfume, bringing quite a blush to
those pretty little cheeks of hers.
A girl after my own heart, Fiz eats the birthday cake from Roy and Hayley
for breakfast! Later on, she and Kirk celebrate her birthday with a few
bevvies ... and more!
There's a bit going on about work placements. Mike Baldwin gives a
presentation to Ken's class about being a successful businessman. The same
three pupils get to talk in these scenes: Ade, Sarah and Candice. In my
school, we were all encouraged to participate, but hey-ho. At least Todd's
planning on getting well away to study law at uni. Ken fixes Ade up at
Kevin's garage, Candice is going to work at the salon and Sarah has arranged
to work at Bethany's creche. However, when she realises how close Ade and
Candice are going to be, she sweet talks Granny Audrey into letting her work
there instead ... on the condition that Sarah is the one who tells her. It
seems to me that there was a perfect opportunity here to discuss the morals
of keeping promises, but no. Candice isn't too happy about being replaced
and issues a challenge - maybe Ade isn't going to be Sarah's boyfriend for
much longer.
Les has heard back from the Council. They are sending a Housing Officer
round to discuss his and Kirk's relationship. OK, maybe all this is not
politically correct, but it did make me laugh all the way through, which has
to count for something.
Les has a cunning plan - they'll camp it up and then they won't be split up.
They try to de-macho the house by putting Village People and Barbra
Streisand albums prominently on display! Toyah helps out by moving all
Kirk's things into Les' room to make it look more convincing and prepping
them by asking questions ... what colour are Kirk's eyes; where did you
meet; what did you first think of each when you met? Kirk pipes up "I
thought he were scruffy!" Les retorts it was rich coming from a tatty-'ead!
Vikram has bragged about his jockey pal and great tips to Steve McD, who in
turn feels it necessary to tell all the lads and Eileen. Vik is fed up with
the lot of them and decides to pull a fast one. He lets Les and Vernon
"overhear" him taking a tip on Bertie's Dream. They tell Eileen, who tells
two friends, and they tell two friends...
I couldn't tell if it was Deirdre or Pauline from the League of Gentleman
who advised Sunita to forget all about Dev. Oh, sorry, that's really
Deirdre after all. Sunita wants to know whether Big D ever fancied her
boss, like when she used to work for Mike Baldwin. We were amazed to see
that Deirdre's nose didn't enlarge when she answered no. Hasn't she been
involved with every boss she's worked for, right back to Ray Langton? OK,
maybe not Alec Gilroy at Sunliners.
Over at Joe's, Geena is crying that she hates lying to people. Too bad she
doesn't hate clothes that are two sizes too small, though it has to be said
that at least her outfits are an improvement over Eve's too big tops which
constantly showed off her bras (a particular bugbear of mine).
In one of those "What on earth were you thinking?" storylines, Geena
confesses The Plan to Sunita. "It's dishonest and cruel and you're
manipulating Dev who is the hunkiest knight in shining armour I've ever seen
in my life" denounces Sunita who believes she's being vindictive just
because Dev once looked at Karen McDonald. Well, Geena isn't going to
tolerate that and, just when I thought I'd managed to get that nightmare out
of my mind, breaks the news about Deva and Deirdre at Christmas. "Yes, he's
gone through all the shopgirls," snides Geena. "You're probably next."
Sunita starts giving Deirdre the cold shoulder. There's a classic scene
where Fiz comes in for a hangover cure and mentions that luckily she's not
over the hill yet. Sunita pointedly enquires of Deirdre when she went over
the hill. Somewhat puzzled, Deirdre responds that she'd like to think she
hadn't quite reached the summit. The new hubby snorted something about
mutton being well past its sell by date. Just then, Kirk comes in for
something for a hangover, too. He claims to have been drinking with Les.
"Oh yes, Fiz - it was your birthday (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Did you get
everything you wanted?" Ooh, yes, ta (say no more!!).
Deirdre confides in Dev that Sunita has been a bit "off" with her and the
Double D's try to figure out why.
In the Rovers, Ken buys Mike a thank you drink, then another for Deirdre who
manages to walk in at the right moment. "Look at her," fusses Sunita. "She
must think she's God's gift the way she goes after anything in pants with a
pulse." OK, maybe the pulse bit is a slight exaggeration when describing
Ken. Laughingly, Shelley reveals Deirdre's affair with Mike.
Toyah tells Fiz off for being ashamed of going out with Kirk. It was just
the same when she and Spider (calm down, Glenda!) were an item. When they
did go public, it was wonderful. Fiz isn't one to hold back. "Oi, you!"
she gestures to someone at the bar. "My place ... now!" Mike Baldwin
utters a sigh of relief as he realises that she's not talking to him!
Ken discusses Joe and Dev's outburst with Mike. Or is he? "Fancy two men
fighting over a woman. How pathetic!" [Not as pathetic as the woman the
two wrinklies were brawling over, muttered my other half]. They smile
knowingly from the advantage of hindsight, and put it down to a business
deal gone wrong.
In the vernacular, Geena freaks out over at Joe's. Then again in the street
when Dev accosts her to find out if she's finished with Joe. Then a third
time in the Rover's sitting room, the double strength mascara is streaming
down her face as she tries to cope with two blokes harassing her.
But, it's not over yet. Joe has the brill idea that Geena should tell Dev
it's all been a big mistake and she really wants to get back with him. She
goes hunting for Dev who's gone to the Cash and Carry. Sunita offers to
brew up while (hello???? Anybody home?) Geena confesses that she's going to
make a play for Dev, but Sunita definitely does not want to know.
Geena catches up with Dev, flutters her eyelashes so he invites her out for
a drink, and really pushes his luck by bragging to Sunita. The former
couple head back to his, witnessed by two very unhappy souls - Sunita and
Joe (separately, of course - this is not another plot thickener!). Geena
feels a bit strange sitting in Dev's flat quaffing champers, and then doing
the washing up??? What is in her head (part 2)? Dev shuffles over and
snuffles her neck. Geena screeches and heads over to Joe's. She needs to
know how far he expects her to go, and is gutted when the answer is
apparently as much as she needs, to avoid him being sent back to prison.
After insisting the car she saw actually was his, Audrey insists on
accompanying Gail and Richard to the car lot. Richard tells them to wait
outside whilst he goes inside to talk to the salesman who bought said
vehicle from him for much needed cash. Richard makes an excuse about
wanting to buy something, just so it looks to the women that he's being
shown proof of purchase. Later at the house, Gail accuses Richard of lying.
Momentarily he's taken aback, till of course she praises him for not wanting
to hurt Our Aud's feelings.
A card in the mail announces that the photos are now ready (I don't know why
he just didn't phone). Sarah sniffs that they'd better get them quickly as
it will be the last photo they have of David without a number underneath.
Hmm, that's calling the kettle black. Richard suggests inviting Audrey
round to have a look at them. Gail manages to catch her on the phone just
as Audrey is setting her washer going.
Richard slips over to Audrey's and calls the salon to ensure that she won't
come home. As he's leaving minutes later, the meter man comes round. Oh
dear ... a witness. Does this mean he'll get bumped off, too?
Aud returns home to find the laundry fairies have hung her washing out to
dry (wish they'd come round to our's!). Her face and manner are really
rather amusing! She admits the tale to Rita and Archie (Rita and Archie??
Have I missed something here?), but he tries to convince her she's just
having a senior moment. Rita mentions that she can't wait to get away, but
I really don't remember that she and Mavis had decided to go on a cruise.
Just then, there's a knock at the Hillman residence - it's the Bill wanting
to talk to Richard about his ex-wife. A body has been found and they
believe it to be her!
Yes, a man walking his dog by the canal spotted a floater and they'd like
Richard to formally identify the body. "Oh," says Richard. "This is so ...
fortuitous" (OK, I made that last bit up, but we all know what he was
thinking!).
Gail can't understand where Patricia has been. I can't understand why Gail
is so dim! She tries to reassure Richard that it may not be Patricia. "Oh,
it will be," he mutters darkly. Now, we all know that the body could be
that of a blond 60 year old transvestite with a gammy leg and still he'd ID
it as Patricia.
Gail, ever the sympathetic Stepford Wife, puts some brandy in his tea
following his return from the morgue. Audrey, who had tottered over from
the Rovers to find out whether Richard had been arrested, thrusts hers out
too. For some inexplicable reason, she's convinced that Patricia has been
murdered.
Gail coos that she knows just how much this whole episode has upset Richard.
Oh, I don't think you do, luv. When he hears, Norris is absolutely
convinced something's up.
Tricky Dicky twists things around to put the idea of Patricia committing
suicide into Gail's head. You're not responsible, clucks she. Oh, little
does she know. He asks Archie to arrange the cremation - no service will be
required, so he can please hop to it and do it as soon as possible. Richard
will even cover any extra expense.
Shelley waxes Peter's leg to demonstrate why she had to use his razor. I
laughed to see him cringe, momentarily forgetting that the one time I had it
done, I threw money at the girl and ordered her to stop after only half a
leg was done. It's the razor every time for me! "Ooh, look at all the hair
on that!" she admires before asking Peter to put some more water in the vase
so the flowers don't wilt. Interesting juxtaposition, I thought. Peter
picks up the card for the flower lady and slips it into his wallet. Surely
the leg wax didn't hurt THAT much!
Peter is a bit put out because Shelley worked Geena's shift. Bored with the
telly, he heads off to Lucy's Florist. She's closed, but opens up just for
him. Give him his due, he does tell her about Shelley, but invites her out
for a drink anyway. She accepts.
Peter tells Shelley he's going out bowling with the lads and then to a
casino afterwards ... as you do. She tells him she hopes he'll be lucky
tonight! Peter has sussed up the odds all right and is pretty sure that he
will be!
Kev has overheard Eileen giving Jason a tip and places a tenner with Sally
who warns Peter that there may be problems if it wins. But, hey - he's
feeling lucky so declines the opportunity to hedge his bets with other
bookies. He tarts himself up in a rather smart shirt. As he checks himself
out in the mirror behind the counter of the rather snazzy wine bar, Lucy
pops up and asks him if he sees anything he likes!
She finds out all about seamen from Peter. He's made it clear that he loves
Shelley and it's getting late. Lucy suggests they share a taxi home. She
invites him on for coffee ... no pressure (oh puhleese!). He gives in
gracefully, entering the Delivery Door to Lucy's Florist and into her very
colourful flat (not to my taste - it reminds me too much of the colour
scheme next door where they have mixed bright orange - not Burnt Sienna,
it's bright orange - and turquoise). He admires the paintings on the wall,
most of which are her work. There's an intriguing moment (read plot
giveaway) when she says she attended art school, but had to drop out for
"personal reasons". Can we possibly see a bunny boiler in the future???
The telly's on in the Rovers as everyone gathers to see the results of the
big race. Bertie's Dream romps home, becoming Barlowe's Nightmare, much to
Vik's surprise. Looks like they'll be clearing out Barlowe's Bookies after
all. Shelley phones Pete to let him know. Lucy overhears his lies, and
still asks him to stay. She moves in for the kill; Peter makes a
half-hearted attempt at refusing, but she convinces him to tour other rooms
in the flat. They end up, as we all knew, swapping various bodily fluids in
her darkened bedroom.
But talk about lucky ... Upon his "early" return home, Shelley apologises
that her phone call has ruined his evening. He tells her it didn't - he had
a good time. She tries to lure him to bed, but he needs a shower. "Hope
you're not tired!" she seductively exclaims. I guess she'll find out.
Coronation Street
Weekly Updates for the internet since 1995.
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