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As Sarah lies sleeping with Jason in his bed, Todd walks in on them when
he takes a morning cuppa for his brother. It's too much emotion
for Todd (crikey, it'd be too much for anyone) and with Sarah sneering at
him, he gives her a slap and throws her out. "You can't be jealous! You're
gay," Jason screams at him before siblings scuffle on the sofa. Eileen tells
Jason to leave but Todd says he'll go instead and he takes the bus to London
to live with a pal. Still determined to throw someone out of her house,
Eileen tells Sean he'll have to go and he trolls off back to live with his
dad, which is a shame, as he didn't half cheer up Eileen when he lived there.
Gail's a bit confused when she finds Eileen having a go at Sarah in the street,
blaming her for Todd leaving, but when she finds out what her wayward daughter's
been up to this time she can only sigh: "Oh, Sarah, no." This compared
favourably to: "You dirty little trollope" which came from Candice when she
found out that Sarah had slept with her boyfriend, even though he wasn't.
Kevin agrees to Rosie's plea to go back to her old school. But after he's
made a call to arrange things, she tells him she's changed her mind and wants
to stay at the posh place. The Webster's 18th wedding anniversary (from their
first wedding) looms large like an aubergine at the bottom of the fridge.
While Kev is keen to celebrate, Sally's miserable and wants to forget it.
She tells Rita they're not love's young dream any more, even though Kevin
would quite like them to be. Sally even manages to find Kevin's 'tache
cause for complaint, when everyone knows it's the funniest thing ever to have
been on the cobbles and its own spin-off sitcom is sorely overdue.
There's scratching noises coming from the loftspace at Fred and Ashley's
house. Prepared for high-jumping, throat-biting rats, Ashley goes into
the loft armed with a cricket bat, wearing goggles, a scarf around his neck
and has his trousers tucked into his socks, just in case. Anyway, turns
out there's squirrels up there running amok and Fred uses a football rattle
to scare them off, all the way to next door where they start causing a nuisance
for Tommy and Angie. Claire thinks the squirrels are cute and quite
lovely and won't allow poison. Mind you, if they're anything like the
squirrels in our garden, the ones that eat bulbs, dig up plants and steal
apples, I recommend a super-shooter water jet. You can fair knock ten
bells out of them from the kitchen window.
Dev's called to the trumped up tribunal and is shocked to find out
Leanne's solictior is Maya. She starts off professionally but is soon
trading insults with Dev in front of the judge: "You're a dirty old man!"
she screams at Dev. "You're stark, staring bonkers." he replies.
He calls to see her the next day, telling her if she pulls any more stunts,
he'll throw the book at her (preferably something heavy, like the Argos catalogue).
And then off mad Maya goes to the registry office pretending to be Sunita
- and gets wed to Walid.
Charlie sells his house and Shelley's upset, she was expecting him to ask
her to move in. So he's got nowhere to live now but he's got a cunning
plan and of course, ends up living in the Rovers with Shelley. Betty's
not best pleased with this turn of events and settles in the back room with
a cup of tea and tin hat as war breaks out in the bar. It did, actually.
We had Tracy and Karen (more later) in one corner, Leanne and Maria (more
later, same update) battling in t'other corner and Liz and Shelley bitching
behind the bar too. Betty was by far in the best place. If I'd have
been there, I would have been in the back room with her too. So anyway,
Charlie's getting his feet under the table in the back room of the Rovers
and gets an eyeful of Liz who's swanning around semi-naked saying she'd forgotten
he was there, which she reallyhad, while she was looking for the iron.
Charlie tells Liz she can iron his boxer shorts for him any time she likes.
Go for it Liz, preferably while he's still wearing them.
Liz and Deirdre are shocked to find out that Tracy's entered Liz for the
Weatherfield Glamorous Granny competition. They're even more shocked
when it turns out Liz has won.
So yes, back to the bar room blitz mentioned above. First off we have
Karen who's doing her best to get pregnant so she can have the biggest, best
baby and designer maternity gear - although probably not in that order. Even
though Karen's got Steve standing in front of the fridge to increase his fertility,
the pregnancy test proves negative. Steve takes Karen to the Rovers for a
drink to cheer her up but Tracy finds out and calls her Barren Karen.
Why Karen just didn't deck her, I still don't understand.
And as for the other fight in the Rovers, t'was a meaningless wobble between
Leanne and Maria over Jamie the cockney. Tyrone's doing his best to
get back with Maria and he thinks she's interested in him again, which she's
not because she thinks she's going out with Jamie, which she's not, so Tyrone
thinks, right, I'm in with a chance here, which he's not.
And that's just about that for this week.
By Glenda
Young , writer of
Coronation Street Weekly Updates
for the internet since 1995.
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