Corrie weekly updates from 1995, 17 years in 17 e-books
All the wit and warmth of Weatherfield, none of the waffle
Available from amazon.co.uk or amazon.com
Check out the Coronation Street Blog - it's FAB
Glenda was on holiday. This week's update written
by John Dean.
Janice is pointing out to Leanne the flaws in her approach to getting rich at Dev's expense - eg "You used to be a stripper - you've still got the tassels in the flat" and the fact that Dev's solicitor will be a lot better than Leanne's. Which turns out to be true in a big way because Leanne hires Maya. Yes folks, Maya Maya pants on fire. Leanne claims Dev got hold of the wrong end of the stick while Dev claims there was no stick in the first place. Wait until he has to say "Hiya Maya" at the Tribunal. But the steady drip of Leanne's poison is causing Sunita to doubt Dev.
Karen visits her Mum's grave to say goodbye with a supportive Steve tagging along. Aw. And thence to the Rovers since Karen is now back on the ale and fags.
Rita, who appears to have downsized the Big Red Wig, and Norris Karloff visit Rula's mansion to be entertained. Since Rita has already pointed out that Rula "makes friends very easily" they shouldn't really be surprised that they find themselves in a den of iniquity. Or wife-swapping as they call it in Cheshire.
Norris asks Rula about stage-door johnnies. I expected her to say there was a machine in the toilet but she waxed lyrical about the stage-door johnnies, ronnies and connies she had known. All the bedrooms seem to be themed on James Bond films and Rita finds herself with a large portrait of Pussy Galore on the wall. Another clue if she did but know it. The climax (in only *one*sense of the word) comes (in only *one* etc) when Rula's hubbie (Oo is it!? Duggie Brown) climbs into bed with her and she prises Norris from Rula's clutches to take him home and make him swear never to reveal the night's events to a living soul. (Not sure if Emily is counted in that category).
Ciaran's restaurant venture is going badly. Roy is complaining about smeared glasses and misaligned tines on the forks. If Ciaran knew what a tine was, he'd be offended. As it is, he takes his frustration out on Sarah by sacking her for dropping a tray of glasses. And when Gail (who has taken the hell-spawn that is her immediate family for a meal) complains, he sacks her too. "You can't sack me, I'm a customer!" "Just watch me" Tracy suggests he sells the business and does a runner with the money.
Tracy is giving Karen a hard time about Amy being Steve's first-born child and threatening to invoke the Child Support Agency. Karen snaps and announces she and Steve are having a baby and tells Liz (is it me or have they replaced Bev Callard with Lily Savage?) she will be a grandmother again. When Steve points (in the Rovers) out she isn't actually pregnant she dramatically cancels the hot-pots, proclaims they are going to be "mating, not eating" and drags him off home. As Bettyluv remarks "I hope she gets over that shyness."
Sarah applies for a job at the Corner Shop, specifying she doesn't want to work with Todd. Which is weird because Todd is the only other employee at the Shop now Sunita is sleeping with the Boss. Inevitably the pair turn the place into Fight Club. Todd asks Jason to 'talk to Sarah'. When Todd approaches her in the shop and tells her he has something 'delicate' to say she reaches behind her, pulls a packet of you-know-what off the shelf and points out "If you want flavours you'll have to go to a chemist." Way to go, Jase, star of the Corps Diplomatique!
Les finds out about Leanne and Dev and is most indignant. "Has he ever tried it on with you?" he asks Eileen. "No" she replies, "Who?" She reminisces that she's always been attracted to men you wouldn't want to walk down the street with, let alone the aisle. But she regards the news that Todd intends to try for Uni again as the best news since she won a cruet set at Bingo.
Sunita's Dad turns up and all seems to be going well but he discovers how far her relationship with Dev has progressed and storms off.
Candice is all ballooned up for her birthday but sad that there is no card from her mum. Sadder still that her Mum promised to buy her diamond studs on her 18th and there's no sign of those either. Audrey gives her a pair of hairdressing scissors instead. Aw! But the lovely Kirky has bought Fizz a sapphire ring and she is chuffed to little mintballs. The party swings, especially with the vodka jellies Clare has made. Sarah necks half a bottle of Stolli and cops off with Jason. Seems fair enough. She's not been pregnant for at least 18 months now. But as dear, dear Oscar might have told her "To have sex with one Grimshaw may be regarded as a misfortune; to shag both looks like carelessness."
And Rawsie sets off for her new school in what likes like a schoolgirl-porno kit from Ann Summers. She claims she's been bullied -"They call me Rosie the Refugee and Working Class Webster". (Thinks - How did they know she was working class?)
Back in the Elliott / Peacock household there are strange noises from the attic. Is it a mouse, is it a bird, is it Ken Barlow ...?
John Dean
Follow the Coronation Street Blog on Twitter and Facebook
No comments:
Post a Comment