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Glenda was away, this update written by John Dean.
Any Road Up. 'After the Lord Mayor's Show ..' was a favourite
saying of the old folk when I were a lad, signifying a major anti-climax.
So has this week turned out. Not because the standard has fallen,
far from it, but because the previous week was such a knock-down
drag-em-out blockbuster there has to be a period of consolidation
and review. At least I didn't have to wear out another video tape
constantly rewinding to make sure I'd got all the action. And
I would like to modify my curmudgeonly remarks about Steve 'Cadaver
Boy' MacDonald. Simon Gregson's portrayal of the wounded man recovering
in hospital, only to learn that his Father had reignited the whole
thing by attacking Jez when he thought it was all over, was first
class. To business:
Janice reminds Dennis to remind Les the Battersby's anniversary
is coming up but Les isn't interested. The Underworld girls are
locked out ( and the boatman and the three-headed dog are mysteriously
absent) until the handsome and enigmatic Harvey Reubin turns up
to let them in. Karen immediately falls for him (Who *is* Karen?
Where did she come from? Is she the new Gwen? The new Alison?
The new Tiger the Cat?)
Edna has found an expensive ring in the Ladies and, having
'Honesty' like other people have flat feet, she hands it in.
Jim tells Natalie Jez has been at the receiving end of an Old
Testament Resolution. Nat overhears Vik saying that the Avenging
angel was Jim. She decides to visit Steve.
Gary has the estate agent round. they agree to offer the house
for £28,500 (Reality sandwich - this is the kind of price
you get this sort of house for in the North West. I scanned the
Net for property in my old neighbourhood to confirm. Although
a major selling point seems to be the presence of a full burglar
alarm system. Sad but true. And a colleague of my wife's is looking
to buy a B&B in Blackpool. Asking price? £40,000 for
a seven-bedroomed house)
Jim visits Steve and breaks the news that Jez is down the corridor,
courtesy of the MacDonald School of Urban Violence. Steve is horrified
he's had his kicking for nothing.
Les tries to claim the ring from the Rovers. Toyah thwarts
him but unwittingly gives him a good enough description for him
to fool Betty and claim it. He takes it home in a matchbox and
boasts to Dennis.
Sarah Lou and Candice (now apparently played by Sandra Bullock)
want to go to a gig on Friday. Sarah is dubious about going. So
Candice is, like, tell your Mam we have to review the band for
the school magazine and Sarah is, like, she still won't let me
go so Candice goes act miserable and cry a bit and Sarah goes
what, like, Mum how am I supposed to have a normal life if I can't
go out with my friends and Candice is, like, yeah that's brilliant.
So when she asks Gail and Gail's initial reaction is 'No' she
goes 'Aw, how am I supposed to have a normal life if I can't go
out with my friends?', and Gail still refuses to babysit because
she's going out with Martin.
Natalie finds she is not welcome at Steve's bedside so she
goes to visit Jez (obviously scored a couple of smart pills off
Jim). Jez tells her it'll be over when he says so.
Battersby Anniversary day and Les asks his 'lickle peckle'
if she's ruined his breakfast yet. Ho Ho. He gives Janice the
ring in a watch box (because the original box was damaged and
he didn't have time to get it fixed). She is delighted, less so
when he suggests she might be better off keeping it for best and
not flashing it around in the Rovers. Meantime, we discover Sergeant
Emma has lost a valuable ring - a graduation gift from Mum. 'University?'
asks Roy. 'Police Training College' replies the feisty guardian
of the law.
Sarah asks Hayley to babysit while they go to the gig. Hayley
is delighted but later accidentally grasses Sarah up to Gail.
Gail is v. frosty.
In hospital, Steve is roused from his slumber by a cheery 'wakey
wakey'. Jez has come to visit and draws the curtains so they will
be assured of privacy. I have to say, I knew exactly what was
coming in this scene, boys and girls, and it still scared the
pants off me. Lee Boardman has been one of the great OTT Corrie
villains and will be missed. Hope his twin brother turns up next
year for revenge. Anyway, the satanical one starts doing nasty
things like pulling the tubes out of Steve's nose (ouch!) and
preparing to make him more comfortable with a pillow over his
face. Steve reaches for the alarm. Jez reaches to prevent him.
What's this? Jez pulls a funny face (well, funnier than the regular
one) and starts bleeding from the mouth. He collapses across the
bed. Ooo-er.
Sarah comes home from school and picks up Bethany, displeasing
Gail who's just put her down. They have an argument. Sarah insists
she's entitled to decide what's best for her baby. Bethany, BTW,
looks like a cross between Dan Dare's Mekon and the baby fathered
by the computer on Julie Christie in 'Demon Seed'. Seriously scary,
though she beams in amused fashion at Gail banging on.
At the Hospital, not knowing what is happening, Steve asks
the nurse (you know, the one that isn't Martin and isn't Rebecca)
how Jez is doing. 'Friend of yours?' she enquires. 'Best mates'
says Steve, pointing out afterwards to a snorting Jim that saying
they were enemies to the death wasn't going to get them information.
Hayley and Roy babysit. Hayley suggests Roy should read to
Bethany. Roy picks up the paper, clears his throat, and begins
'Weatherfield Cricket Club once again succumbed to the pace bowling
of the visiting side's Caribbeans.' Hayley, unpersuaded by his
theory that it's the tone of voice rather than the content which
matters, gives him the book of Nursery rhymes. Roy points out
to Bethany (and Hayley, since she's there) that many Nursery rhymes
originated as satirical commentaries on contemporary issues of
the day, such as the Grand Old Duke of York. (Interesting to reflect
that rhymes are still being written today about the Duchess of
York.) Later Roy takes a snap of Hayley holding the baby. Then
it's his turn. He asks Hayley to reassure him that, unlike dogs,
babies can't smell fear. Little Bethany gazes up at him with shining
eyes, clearly captivated. What with laughing at Gail and adoring
Roy, Baby B is either a shrewd cookie or a smart little actress.
Janice and Toyah begin to pick up clues all is not well with
the ring. Toyah gets a grip of Les and insists he take it back
to the Rovers.
Having had a row about Martin not stopping Sarah from taking
the baby to Hayley, they go out, vinegar-faced, for their evening
together to the Rovers. Gail asks 'Why are we here?' 'Is this
deep philosophical pondering, wonders Martin? Gail walks out.
Back in Intensive Care, the Nurse breaks it to Steve and Jim
that Jez is deceased. He is no more. He is an ex-drug-dealer.
Jim passes the news to Natalie while the Police start quizzing
Steve.
Les returns the ring to Betty, pleading confusion because it
was the same shape as the one Janice lost. 'Round?', enquires
Betty. And a similar colour. 'Gold?'. But Toyah agrees they're
not the same - her Mum's ring is much bigger.
Steve pushes Jim and Vik to get their story straight about
Jez. Dev is worried about Vik and offers to lend him money to
buy Steve out of the Taxi firm. He gives him keys to his flat
'In case you need to hide out'
Jack and Vera discover Eunice is selling the B&B. Jack
wants Vera to se it as an opportunity. 'To do what? Walk the Streets?'
'We could relocate' 'Yeah, somewhere between the Red Rec and the
Corporation Tip.'
Sarah and Candice pop to the Kabin leaving Bethany with David.
When Gail and Martin arrive home Bethany is crying and David is
in the Garden with Barney. Big argument when Sarah and Candice
return and, again, Martin fails to back Gail up.
Meantime, Janice as good as accuses Dennis of taking her ring.
Dennis starts packing his bags in a huff.
The Police visit Jim and remind him 'We never close murder
files'. I have to say, as an ex-Civil Servant, this is bad bureaucratic
practice. Open files are very difficult to carry around and fit
back into the cabinets. If you close them they're much more manageable.
Still, to each his own.
Jack sees Gary's 'For Sale' sign and is miffed Gary already
has an offer and had told him nothing about it. Gary goes round
to explain to Jack and Vera how events overtook him.
Martin and Gail have a further frank exchange of views. Gail
points out that Sarah left a little baby on her own, crying. Martin
admits that, put like that, it does sound bad. (Put like that
it does sound bad? What is Martin smoking?) He asserts that Sarah
left David in charge. Gail points out that David has problems
looking after his rabbit. She is tired of Martin not being supportive.
Is it because he doesn't really care?
Vik tells Jim at the garage he wants no part of the Jez business.
Jim snaps at Tyrone. (I note Jim's overalls are blue but Tyrone's
are red. This is bad news because, if they are beamed down on
an alien planet (like Rawtenstall), Tyrone will be the first to
be vapourised.)
In the Rovers Jim leaves his pint in revulsion when Les starts
crowing about Jez's death. Les pinches the pint. Natalie tells
him he's disgusting. Anthony compliments Rita on her new hairdo.
(New? The Big Red Wig is still bright enough to toast cheese and
still back-combed within an inch of its life. Although on closer
examination, she is wearing it at a slightly more rakish angle.)
He offers to cook and she invites him to her place as she would
feel uncomfortable at his.
Curly gives Emma a new ring to replace the lost one. But Edna
turns up and gets Toyah to produce the one she found in the toilets.
Emma has never seen it before in her life (kidding, only kidding)
Emma is delighted to get her ring back. Edna is emboldened to
share her philosophy of relationships - 'You start off sinking
into his arms and end up with your arms in the sink'. Janice turns
up and the Ring Saga reaches it's denouement. Janice puts on the
Helmet with Horns and blonde pigtails and sings Ride of the Valkyries.
Well, not quite, but she threatens Les with divorce.
Jim is feeling remorse and Natalie gives him a stern talking
to - what he did to Jez was justice. And to emphasise that he
should put violence behind him she clouts him.
Roy an Hayley have an earnest discussion about having their
own child through fostering or adoption. Hayley is keen, Roy can't
face the problems they will have and, especially, is mortified
at the thought he won't be able to protect Hayley.
After their meal. Anthony tells Rita he can't tell her what
these last few weeks have been like. 'What,', she says, 'meeting
someone who talks posh like what I do?' (I tell a lie.) Any way,
Rita suggests Anthony stay the night and he happily accepts.
Jim turns up at the Police Station smartly dressed in Regimental
blazer and all and informs the Desk Office he has information
about the murder of Gerald Quigley. Said information being 'I
did it'.
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