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Liz and the toy-boy get acquainted with each other's underwear this week
as the young fella-me-lad and Mrs McDonald fall deeply in lust. "Hello
sonny" says Steve when he bumps into Andy in the kitchen at breakfast, "shouldn't
you be at school?" When Liz surfaces for air she has lunch with
Deirdre in the Rovers, the pair of them swapping notes on current love situations.
Liz reveals that Andy indulges in spanking while Deirdre says she doesn't
mind Ken leaving his socks on when they do it, but she'd prefer him to take
his cardigan off. Anyway, Andy wants Liz to meet his mother and brings
her into the Rovers. She's Liz's stunt double - blonde and old, complete
with skirt up to here and neckline down to there with not very much in-between.
Liz can't believe her eyes and tells Andy the lust rush is over.
Danny's ex-wife Carole turns up asking questions, demanding to know why
Frankie's put the kybosh (I love that word) on Jamie marrying Leanne. A
distraught Frankie ends up telling Carole the truth about Danny and Leanne
and it all comes out in the wash on the cobbles. Jamie's in bits:
"I ain't got a father, you hear me? He's dead!"; Leanne leaves on a bus
after a fight with Frankie in the caff "Tara!"; and Danny's beside himself
with worry that he's lost his son as well as his wife "Cor blimey I'm fick".
And what does Carole do? She tells Danny she still loves him, wants
him back and always has done. She lays herself open to rejection and
humiliation and Danny doesn't disappoint her, not one bit.
More family shenanigans at the Platts as Gail and Phil the Foot have dinner
at The Clock. He tells her about his calling to toes and reveals his
road to Damascus ocurred while travelling on the M1 from London to Glasgow
on an express coach. Which means it only took 4 days instead of the
usual 12. Things look set to become rocky for Gail when David decides
he doesn't want his mother meeting Phil and deletes his messages from
the phone before retreating upstairs to his room to play Joy Division, loudly.
The best, indeed only, way.
After his run in with Jez Quigley, you'd think Steve would've learned
his lesson and stayed well clear of gangsters, but no, he's obviously on
a steep learning curve and hasn't yet gone up the slope, he's still on the
bit on the bottom that's either the x or y axis, I can never remember.
Jimmy Clayton's squaring up to be Jez Quigley v. 1.03, a bit like the original
but with more power, better memory and a crazy frog screen saver. Jimmy's
already started a campaign of hate against Streetcars with hoax calls and
vandalising the cabs. Eileen puts a call out to all drivers and a disparate
group of non-speaking extras line the cab office to hear Lloyd lambast his
partner for putting his love life with Jimmy's wife Ronnie (a woman who sounds
like she's just eaten a decent cod supper) before his business.
Keith's fattening up the piglet to sell off in bits, clearly marked on
its body, for Christmas. Fred's a bit put out to be losing orders for Christmas
ham, I say, he's not best pleased but Keith pays no heed. He buys another
man pig and the pair of them rutle through the kitchen scraps in the garden
as happy as two pigs in soap.
Ken's shocked when he catches Deirdre smoking in the backyard and demands
she give up her 35 year addiction. He even instructs Norris not to
sell ciggies to Deirdre so Deirdre tells Ken he has to give up his 15 cups
of coffee a day habit if she's giving up smoking. Blanche should consider
taking refuge under the kitchen table sooner rather than later.
Les still hasn't found a church for the wedding but as luck would have
it, wouldn't you know, he takes a vicar for a ride in his cab and drops him
off at a picturesque parish church in leafy Cheshire. The vicar tells
Les he needs 6 months notice for weddings and doesn't approve of divorced
people getting wed there, which is a shame as the church is everything that
Cilla wants her wedding church to be. As Les wanders around while he
waits for the vicar to get the taxi fare from the vestry, he finds out that
the church is kept open all day for those who want to come in and pray, be
alone and commune with their own personal Jesus. "Kept open all day, eh?"
says Les, signposting himself into next week's episode already.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
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