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Eve's beside herself with worry over Linda's whereabouts and
everyone's wondering if Mike has done her in after the wedding
in Yorkshire, or thereabouts. She's fretting away behind the bar
at the Rovers, all big hair and cardigan and after a call from
the police to say they've found Mike's car in the canal, a tearful
Eve sets off with Fred to be there when the car gets pulled out
of the water. Fearing the worst, Eve prepares to be told that
Linda's body has been found inside the car and there's a moment
of tension when the police tell her they've found an old boot.
Alas, it's not Linda. As fisherman's luck would have it, it really
is an old boot, but it is one of Linda's. "You know what
this means?" she asks Fred. "It means she didn't walk
away!", and I have to agree, wearing one boot she could have
only hopped. When Mike finally returns to the street with Adam,
from Scotland, D. C. Trafford (of the Centre) is in there straight
away, probing and questioning, making Mike squirm. When told that
his car has been found in the canal, it's time for straight talking.
"If I could only have one of 'em back" he says "It'd
be the car." There's gossip over the gussets in the factory
as the rumour mill kicks in - what if Mike really has done away
with his wife?
Ooh La La. Dennis whisks Eileen away to gay Paree for her 40th
birthday and there's a lovefest all round as the pair of them
go all continental on us with Eileen practising her school girl
French "Je t'aime, yer great fat wazzock". Mind you,
she did better than I did in Brussels last weekend. My schoolgirl
French is just about forgotten and I had to live on une fromage
baguette et frites s'il vous plait all weekend 'cos I couldn't
remember how to ask for anything else. Before they head off on
their trip, Dennis puts the frighteners on Ryan to repay him the
200 he's owed and there's only way for Ryan to get it; he nicks
it from the factory after fiddling his expenses. Flustered with
the stress of management at the factory, Janice doesn't notice
the error and hands him the two hundred quid instead of the twenty
he's due.
With Dennis and Eileen away in Paris, Jason reckons it's time
for Todd and Candice to sleep together. Todd isn't sure but when
he puts the idea to Candice, she seems keen enough, until that
is, they're climbing the stairs together and Todd says he still
isn't sure it's a good idea and then the two of them come to sort
of a mutual decision not to do it. Not yet, anyway.
Poor Janice, it's just not her week. It's that great event
in the Battersby calendar - their seventh wedding anniversary
this week and Janice splashes out on tickets for Guns n Roses
and Les is overjoyed - but Janice is less so. Moist with excitement
at the sight of a huge gift-wrapped box in the Rovers, Janice
opens it in full view of most of the regulars, including Dennis
and Eileen. And you just know it's going to be awful, whatever
it is. And it was. It's a flippin' deep fat fryer. With tears
in her eyes and regret in her soul, she tells Dennis "I waited
seven years for.. a deep fat fryer." Dennis' heart goes out
to Janice (but wait until next week, his heart goes out, his tongue
goes in and his trousers fall down. Tune in for more).
I thought Janet's comments last week about Geena were spot
on. She is gorgeous. She's the sort of mate you want to come round
to do your make up for you before you go out on a big date. She's
the sort of mate you want to come round and do your hair for you
before you have a big interview. Oh who am I kidding? She's the
sort of mate you want to be. Anyway, with boobs a-popping and
flowers in her hair, she celebrates her engagement with Dev at
a party for their friends. Surprisingly, Dev's parents turn up
and so does Geena's mother (I just love her Elsie Tanner voice,
don't you?) so it's handbags at ten paces and a fight over who's
the better monther / most stylish dresser: "Is it Marks and
Spencer?" Elsie Tanner asks Mrs H. about her outfit. "No,
Prada." Mrs H. snorts down her long and fine nose as Mr H
joins in with The Timewarp on the living room floor and the girls
from the factory get very drunk in the corner. A wonderful scene
and Deirdre's a scream, it must be those new glasses of hers.
Geena's mum lets her feelings known to Des "you're all teeth
and open shirt" and tells him he'll never be good enough
for her daughter. So can our loving duo survive with so much parental
pressure on them to part?
Meanwhile, in the salon, Audrey takes on Maria as her new assistant
which cheers Maria up instantly although Audrey's concerned that
the only hairdressing Maria has done before has been dog grooming
in the kennels. Maria's sure she can cope (at least she'll be
able to do a shampoo and setter). Anyway, Maria's just come back
from Spain, feeling bored with her job at the kennel, miserable
over losing Tyrone and to top it all off, her dog's gone and died.
When Tyrone finds Jason in the cafe comforting his ex, he assumes
they're a couple so reluctantly agrees to give in to Fiz's demands
for a night out together.
Elswhere this week, Dick and Gail have managed to get away
on holiday together, leaving Audrey at home to look after the
kids.
And just a quickie to end on this week, there were two of the
most peculiar looking extras walking down the street in one of
the scenes this week. Actually, they weren't so much extras, more
oddments.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
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