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Emma's started her new job as a Charlie's Angel in CHiPS and
Curly starts fretting that she'll either get shot or start wearing
flicked out hair in the course of armed duty.
Over at the factory, Karen and Bobbi figure out that Harvey's
been having his wicked way with the both of them. As they're working
through this revealation, who should walk into Underworld but
Harvey's fiancee. You know the type - peroxide, wonderbra and
a GCSE in smiling. So, he's been playing away three ways if you
see what I mean (do you?). Anyway, Janice prompts the factory
girls into action and a plan of revenge is exacted which includes
an expensive sports car, cold baked beans, Harvey's head, foam,
and his bimbo fiance giving him the elbow. It couldn't have happened
to a nicer bloke. Watch out for a wonderful Hayley in these scenes.
After a sniff of the brandy bottle she's away with the mixer,
dancing in her cardi.
It might have been miserable at the Platts last week but this
week, by 'eck, it's been even worse. But it's all worth it (as
a viewer, anyhow). This storyline is so good right now, every
time Gail or one of the kids comes on screen I'm in bits. Even
a shot of that rabbit brings a tear to my eye. (I thought Sunday
night's episode was particularly emotional but that could have
had something to do with the fact I'd just seen Billy Elliot at
the flicks. It was the first time I'd ever tapdanced my way out
of an Odeon with tears in my eyes). Anyway, Martin gets himself
a solicitor this week so now he and Gail can pay a professional
hugh amounts of money to sling muck at each other. Well, at least
it comes in a posh envelope. Gail tells Martin it'd be best for
them all for him to move out so he gets himself a flat from Duggie,
on Victoria Street. There's tears all round this week when Martin
says he wants custody of David and he's intent on asking David
which parent he wants to live with. Sadly, but fortunately, Martin
doesn't have to ask in the end when David pleads with Martin to
go and live with him in his new flat. Martin hugs his son, looks
at Gail and tells David he has to stay with his mum and look after
the girls. Never mind the girls, has he fed that rabbit today?
Rita (sounding more like Annie Walker than Annie Walker used
to) got to meet Anthony's children this week; Master shopkeeper
and Miss shopkeeper. Master shopkeeper was a kindly soul who seemed
happy his dad had someone who put a smile on his face but little
Miss shopkeeper wasn't at all happy that her dad's affection was
taken by someone other than their mother, Mrs shopkeeper. Anyway,
listen to this. Not only was Rita putting a smile on Anthony's
face, I rather think Rita might have had a smile of her own this
week when, are you listening?, they spent the night together.
They did, in York, honestly, I know, at their age. She even took
her postcoital glow to the Rovers the next day. When Norris gets
to hear about the romantic rendezvous, he comments: "Oscar
Wilde, cobbled streets and high emotions". I think I must
have missed something. Last time I was in York all I had was fish
and chips.
She's back. A taxi pulled up in the street and that means only
one thing. Well, no, it means one of two things. Either someone
is leaving, or someone is coming back. And so she gets out of
the car; stiletto heels, bony knees in black nylon, protruding
breasts stuck in a cheap top from Ashton market, gold nail varnish
and 'L' round her neck. Ladies and gennelmen, it's Liz McDonald,
back from Milton Keynes (and who can blame her?) to see Jim in
the big house. Yes, the frizz goes to the prizz. Except she doesn't
know he's in the big house, it's up to Steve to break that particular
piece of news to her. When she sees Jim in his netball top at
visiting time, the pair of them start off arguing and combative
but soon warm to each other with Jim confessing how scared he
is, so he is. Every time I see Jim in that flippin' netball top,
the Clearasil, snogging after class and that fake fur coat me
mam used to make me wear all come flooding back again. Ah, the
torture of being tall at school, it automatically made you good
at sports that required jumping and got you picked to play goal
defense (or whatever it was called) guarding the net at netball.
Except I was never any good. I was just tall.
Duggie's worried about business when the council take three
contracts off him after the damning piece about his landlord practices
which appeared in the Gazette this week. He starts talking about
having to sell his house to pay off his debts, but it all sounds
most odd to me. You can't tell me that a business man like Duggie
would let a setback like this, well, er, set him back. It just
wouldn' t happen. But then again, if he was a proper businessman,
he'd have had watertight tenancy agreements for his tenants and
wouldn't have got himself into this mess in the first place.
Maria starts flashing her engagement ring this week with Tyrone,
proud as can be, telling Norris: "She's me top bird!".
A wonderful scene in which Vera comments to Maria that the ring
is a little, well, small. "Oh, I don't like big jewellry"
she says, "I think it looks vulgar." Vera starts fingering
her enormously disgusting blue plastic ear-rings self-consciously.
Tyrone also shows off his new car this week. I was told, by someone
who knows these things, that it was a Peugeot 205 but hey, what
do you need to know that for, it was red, right? Norris, rattled
by Tyrone's drum and base garage deep house rave up that was booming
out of the sound system hifi record player CD machine, tells Tyrone
he doesn't want to be bothered by loud music from red cars in
the street. Another wonderful scene when Tyrone's boasting about
the girl-pulling power of his new car just as Vera comes over
to him and asks for a lift to Freshco. Oh yes, Tyrone, it's a
real granny magnet.
Mike and Linda returned from holiday this week and we meet
up with them both at Manchester airport looking all soft focus
and dewey eyed. Yeah, right. Why can't they look like normal people
who've just got off a long haul flight? Where were the crumpled
t-shirts, the tired eyes, the hair stuck down on one side of your
head where you've fallen asleep on the plane? Anyway, it looks
like they haven't spoken at all while on honeymoon. Over an airport
coffee, Mike reluctantly but eventually tells Linda he'll give
her another chance. He tells her she's never got to tell anyone
what's happened between her and Mark and that no-one else must
ever know. Oh dear, just wait until they find out that ex-spouse
Alma knows then, it'll be a right carry on.
And that's just about that for this week.
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