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This week's update written by John Dean as Glenda was on holiday.
If you'd like your weekly update with pictures and fun Corrie stuff, have a look at : http://coronationstreetupdates.blogspot.com/
Our scene opens on Les (or "my former husband" as Cilla likes to call him now) asleep in his cab. Would you imagine that even a totally incompetent actor could produce a reasonable version of "being asleep"? Shows how wrong you can be. Once awake, Les volunteers to crawl over the cobbles on his hands and knees to show how sorry he is. "Across the street or down?" asks Kirk. "Across should be enough." So, not THAT sorry then. Cilla is all in favour though Yana wonders "What's the POINT?". And Cilla relents when Chesney throws himself on Les like Pocahontas on Captain Smith and begs for him. I notice, by the by, that the evil clan are now known as "Battersby-Brown" in the credits, even Chesney. What's that all about? You don't find David Platt calling himself David Potter-Tilsley-Platt-Hillman-Nail. Or RTracy going by RTracy Hunt-Langton-Barlow-Rachid-Barlow.
Rursie Webster begins to discover what men are like when she tells Craig how she was affected by Sally's breakdown on t'moors and Craig responds "So, your Mum's gone mental and you're gonna dump me?" lacking only the subtlety of "Fancy a last **** before you go?" So off goes Rursie to tell Sally what a fabulous Mum she is (Sally, not Rursie. The teenage pregnancy storyline is not due for a re-run just yet).
And Emily is moping in a dressing gown when Norris & Rita call to cheer her up. "She looks a lot better, doesn't she?" cries Norris cheerfully.
of which Rita's opinion is "No, not really."
Ashley and Clur meet the Too Tall Doc Matt Ramsden and his new wife in a motorway service station. (Nice touch to have football managers in the background passing each other brown envelopes.) Doc wants to see Joshua regularly (though there's no explanation of what they might tell Josh is happening). Ash is OK at first but quickly blows up, not caring if Matt takes him to Court, arranges DNA tests or grows another six inches.
Emily has a chat with the Vicar about forgiveness. The Vicar knows a website Emily could log on to but in the end she chooses analogue and goes to see Ed because the Vicar has hinted Ed might be thinking of suicide. Which, it turns out, he is. On condition that he drops that idea, Emily forgives him and even gives him Ernest's old camera so he can send a photo every year in a Christmas Card so she knows he's still alive.
When her friends want to know where she's been, Emily says "Damascus" which Norris wants to know "Is that the Greek place in the precinct?"
Very finely acted scenes from Eileen Darbyshire - showing what she's capable of if she gets a decent story line.
Gail gets a further card from "Richard Hillman". Phil practically accuses David who says he still has nightmares about the whole thing which Gail says she didn't realise. One wonders why not. But Audrey reminds Gail that she identified Hillman's body.
Meantime Jamie has to go over to Spain to bring Mike back. He's in a right state. First off, he's had his hair cut brutally short which is what male actors do when they're suppose to look as if they're going through a great trauma (the corresponding thing for the women is to shoot their scenes without make-up). Though, to be fair, Johnny Briggs is turning in a good performance here after spending 30 years breezing through the Mike Baldwin smile / snarl / punch someone / have a drink / smile / snarl routine.
Mike's had a stroke and his Alzheimer's is in full raging flow. Hands up who had Penny in the 'First one to be asked "Who are you?" lottery.' And hands up those who had 3 minutes 17 seconds for the first "Where's Alma?" He ends up wandering around Salford Quays in his pyjamas ("What those Quays were doing in my pyjamas I'll never know") and talking to an imaginary Alma while Penny is wailing "It isn't fair" and Leanne is wailing "Why have I got to be the one who looks after him?" and Audrey and Ken and Deirdre (especially Deirdre) are shocked that Mike no longer recognizes them. Which sets Audrey thinking about going for retirement while she's still fit enough to enjoy it. Which sets Maria thinking about taking over the salon. Which sets ... oh, you get the idea. Jamie is all eager to step forward and tells Danny "We'll help." on behalf of himself and his Mum. But Frankie's view on that is "Well, no." She's not with Danny any more (she's with Nathan) so Mike's nothing to do with her. (Is she bothered about her son's granddad? Does she look bothered? Is that face bothered?) It's Leanne's job to lend a hand as far as Frank's concerned. The sound of chickens roosting is audible as Danny's face falls. But it turns out Leanne DOES have a helpful idea - that Danny should get Mike to sign a Power of Attorney so Danny and Leanne can take over the business.
And Doc Ramsden and the new wife sneak into Ashley's garden to get hold of Josh and have to be driven out by Ash waving a garden fork. Audrey tells Matt he should leave all this in the past. "What, dead and buried like Maxine?" he asks. Couldn't you smack him?
And Kelly's friend (whose name I can't remember - I can only just remember Kelly's name) is turning into the archetypal SWF stalker - starting to dress like Kelly, behave like Kelly, drink the same drink as Kelly. Scary. Not.
And allow me to leave you with a thought from Roy Cropper: "You will never find a peony next to a crocus."
Tatty Bye
John Dean
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