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Fiz is fed-up and feels there must be more to life than pants and canoodling with Kirk. The girl wants excitement and freedom, independence and danger. Sounds to me like she’s in the wrong soap, then. Any woman wanting anything more than what they’ve got within the confines of the cobbles can mean only one thing, they have to leave Weatherfield to find what their heart harks for. I refer the honourable readers of the jury to Angie Freeman, Toyah Battersby and Raquel Watts as exhibits A, B and 34C. Roy thinks he can help Fiz, in fact he’s been a complete star this week with the Weatherfield women while Hayley’s away tending to a sick uncle. In Hayley’s absence, Roy’s become the confidante of the cobbles offering advice, sympathy and a well cooked bacon barm to Fiz, Eileen and Audrey - but more of them later. For now, Fiz seems content to book up for a kick-boxing class in the local community hall. Oooh, it’s just like Billy Elliot when he dance-kicked his way around the confines of his working-class back yard in Easington before hitting it big on the stage in the West End. Maybe there’s hope for Fiz after all? She did come to the cobbles with her heart set on being a knicker designer before settling behind the Singer. Have her dreams really been dulled by years of drinking cheap lager in the Rovers and running up gussets in Underworld for the Norwegian army?
Ashley’s hurt and confused by the too-tall Doctor Matt’s intrusion into his life and so he decides to take a mature approach to handling the situation. First he loses his temper with poor Clare, driving her blood pressure sky high so she has to be kept in th’ospickle overnight and then he tells her they’re running away to Scotland to escape the evil clutches of Josh’s real dad. After a bit of a talking to from Bev and Fred about the merits of moving to Mull, Ashley mulls it over (see what I did there?) and decides to stay on the cobbles and fight for his son which means that Clare’s wasted three days of kissing and cuddling all her mates goodbye. Seems to me that Ashley’s got two options here. He can either 1) hire a solicitor or 2) hire a step ladder so he can see the whites of Matt’s eyes as he sticks the nut on him. And he doesn’t need to go to Scotland to find out how to give a good Glasgow kiss.
Danny and Leanne do their best to keep tabs on Mike but it’s difficult when he keeps disappearing from the flat and walking about, confused on the cobbles. Leanne’s (real-life) pregnancy is becoming increasingly difficult for the Corrie crew to hide behind lampshades and bottle-tops in Mike’s flat and Danny’s obviously been so busy with his dear old dad that he’s not had time to notice his girlfriend’s up the duff and in the club. Anyway, Mike and Danny go to the solicitor who gives Danny power of attorney - which always sounds to me like it should be an aftershave – “Power of Attorney, for men who take control”. Mike’s diagnosed with Alzheimer’s although he has his lucid moments when he knows Leanne for the scheming little trollop she is – and moments when he thinks she’s some piece of young fluff he’s brought home after a night out on the tiles. “Oi, No!” she yells at Mike in much the same way she really ought to have done when Danny made the same move on her some months ago: “I’m your son’s girlfriend!”
Audrey’s another one who’s feeling fraught about the future. After seeing her old mate Mike going downhill with dementia, she’s determined to see out the autumn of her life someplace exciting. (I hear Rosamund Street’s nice this time of year). She starts talking about selling the salon and Maria’s ears perk up, or at least something perked up underneath that hairdo, it could have been Tyrone’s dog Monica she’s keeping in there, who knows? Maria wants Kirk to sell her his share of the kennels to raise cash for Maria to buy the salon. Before he goes to the bank, Maria impresses on her brother the importance of it all: “Diversify or Die” she tells him. A message which he takes to the bank manager: “Diversify..” he tells him “Or you die!” Needless to say, Kirk doesn’t get the loan but Tyrone returns to Maria her share of their wedding fund which she uses as a gesture of goodwill for Audrey’s sinks and shampoos.
And finally this week, Tracy and Charlie return from their jollies and Tracy puts her pregnancy plan into action. She makes out she’s taken a pregnancy test and leaves the box in the flat where Charlie can see it. Anyway, Charlie doesn’t want kids and tells Tracy she’ll have to have an abortion, which he’ll pay for. She makes on like she’s all upset and everything and he’s too dim to be able to tell real emotion from fake although mind you, Tracy Barlow isn’t the best judge of that either. The two of these dimwits trying to outwit each other is wonderful stuff, they’re two right nasty pieces of work. Tracy agrees to the “abortion” for the sake of their relationship, will take his money and buy shoes and then pretend she’s had the op while all the time formulating a plan to get Charlie to accept Amy into their lives and his flat.
And that’s just about that for this week. Remember, next week it’s Lovely Jack.
Glenda
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