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Deirdre is in prison! Cap,n Lindsay swears in court to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and then proceeds to tells lies, big lies and nothing but more lies and gets off with a 6 month suspended sentence. Poor Deirdre is sentenced to 18 months for fraud! No! "The Guardian, "The Daily Mirror and even Tony Blair (I kid you not) are now appealing for the release of "The Weatherfield One. Now, I,m a bit thick in general and a bit more thick about court proceedings in particular so I won,t bore you with all the legal shenanigans because, frankly, I didn,t understand them. But, we all know the only criminal thing about Deirdre is those sideburns. Deirdre gets sent down (although the tabloids have already reported she,ll be out in time to enjoy a gin & tonic in the Rovers by summer). and is forced to share her prison cell with Liverpudlian Margi Clarke.
After the judge announces her sentence he asks if she'd like to say a few last words. To the tune of "The Blaydon Races" and with apologies to Geordies everywhere, Deirdre sings:
"Oh M'Lud, I shoulda seen it comin'Just to back track a little on myself here, before she,s sentenced, Deirdre bumps into Jon,s wife Linda in the ladies loo at the Court. She tries to persuade Linda to tell the truth about Jon but she isn,t ready yet to admit it. She tells her that if she is imprisoned, then it,s all Linda,s fault for keeping quiet about her cheating, lying, scumbag husband. After Deirdre is sentenced, there,s fisticuffs between Mike and Ken outside of the court room as Mike feels Ken has let Deirdre down by giving evidence against her in court, while Ken says he was only telling the truth about knowing Jon wasn't really a pilot. Liz tries to attack Jon's wife and has to be pulled off her by someone, Ken, I think it was. In court, as Deirdre was sentenced, a tear rolled down Liz,s face. I don,t think it was anything to do with sentiment for her friend; more likely her thong had snapped and she couldn,t uncross her legs.
The jury has decided that I'm such a stupid woman
When Jon gave me the gold card, he said "Here, Deirdre, try it"
How was I supposed to k-n-o-w, he wasn't a kosher pilot?"
"Oh M'Lud, don't lock me up with Margi
She looks the type of hard faced blonde that likes some argy-bargie
All the lads and lasses here think that I'm so hopeless
But I'll be out in just 3 m-o-n-t-h-s, drinking in the Rovers!"
Anyway, Mike pays Deirdre's £8,000 legal bill and tells Frankie that he wants to appeal against her conviction, no matter what it costs. Looks to me like it might cost him a) his wife and b) his business, when he upsets Alma with his Deirdre obsession and writes the £8,000 cheque from the Underworld account. Angie is back on the street this week and is eager to get the end of year accounts sorted out, but Mike is trying to hide the fact he's just paid out all that money for Deirdre,s legal fees. In prison, Deirdre protests her innocence every time she opens her mouth, which could find her in trouble with some of those rather refined ladies of the institution if she doesn,t keep quiet. Ken visits her and tells her the appeal will be put into motion, (slow motion) and that it could take months, rather than weeks, for the appeal to be heard.
Yes, you did read that last paragraph right, Angie is back on the Street, and we catch up with her consoling Des after he kicks out Samantha (and about time too, mate) when he finds her in bed with Chris. Samantha tells Chris she,ll leave the Street with him and she waits in the Rovers for him with her bags packed. Chris walks to the door of the Rovers but decides better of it and walks away without her, leaving the Street behind him. Before he leaves though, he goes to see Sally to ask her to leave with him and tells her he still loves her. The two of them are sitting at the dining table holding hands when Kevin walks in on them both. Sally tells Chris her place is with Kevin and the girls and, Northern to the very end, asks Kevin if he wants some tea as Chris leaves and sulks off into the sunset.
And basically, that's it for this week, most of it taken up with the court case and Deirdre in prison. Chris left, Samantha wanted to, but Sally didn't. Or perhaps she did, deep down, but she had to make the tea and see to the girls first and by the time she'd finished that, well, Chris would have been all the way down Rosamund Street and out of her little world forever. Maxine came back from her holidays, all bronzed and tanned and Angie came back from parts unknown, the same colour as she was before she left. Ashley was pleased to see Maxine back on the Street, and vice versa but they both tried pretending they weren't bothered at all, as you do, at that age - before you realise life's too short to be clever and above yourself. At least, that's what my mother always tells me. Talking of my mother, she is the reason I'm not typing this while sipping wine today. When I started typing this week's update it was only 5:30pm and my mother has a word for women who drink in the afternoon. Not a very pleasant word either. So mother, if you're reading this, don't worry. I haven't yet turned into a *&!R%a(!
That's it for this week.
Glenda :-)
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