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Wednesday 13 June 2012

Coronation Street Weekly Update - Mar 17 2003

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This week's update written by John Dean (Glenda was on holiday)

Anyway, we begin where the last episode left off - scary snake-like Richard transfixing the mongoose that is Gail.  'Nothing to be afraid of' he hisses. So, obviously, she legs it to the door. But her screams are drowned by the engine Tommy Nelson is revving outside the garage, and no-one notices the brief image behind the glass front door of Gail being dragged away by Richard.  He reveals he has come to make amends. He has brought a written confession clearing Gail. He also wants to point out he is not a psycho. He is just ambitious and unlucky. He has been stealing milk off doorsteps for nourishment, he has been hungry, dirty and tired and, worse even than all that, he has had two weeks with Gail. I'm sorry, two weeks withOUT Gail. As a preparatory to spending the rest of their lives together, he offers to tie her up. But not in a nice way. He has an industrial sized roll of Gaffer tape (this will be dubbed with Duck tape when the episode airs in North America) which, presumably, he found on a doorstep next to the milk.  He's also found the rings Gail discarded and now he slips them on her fingers.
 
Gail secretes a pair of scissors about her person (don't ask). In the garage the children are tied and gagged, Baby Bethany is drugged and Richard announces if they can't live together as a family, they can die together. Oo-er. Gail insists on a last kiss for her kids and slips the scissors to Sarah who starts cutting David's tape when Richard isn't looking.  Richar turns on the engine, some soft music and several thousand middle-aged women. Fumes fill the garage .. (NB - nitpickers. Yes, modern people carriers are fitted with some technical device that prevents them producing toxic fumes, but if the non-toxic fumesthey *do* produce displace the oxygen in the air then people will still die, though from asphyxiation not carbon monoxide poisoning - Hah!) Audrey rings the bell. No answer. Tries to use her key. Door is bolted! From the inside!! There is music coming from the garage!!! There is the sound of an engine running!!!! (Sorry, I've run out of '!'s - I ordered some specially for this update but they didn't arrive. You'll have to put in your own now)

Tommy jimmies open the door and VOILA a car full of gagged Platts and Hillmans. Richard drives away and the 3 Amigos, Tommy, Kev and Martin, give pursuit in a car that's just failed its MoT and has a duff alternator. Or it's just failed its alternator and has a duff MoT. Whatever (I'm not a mechanical person). Sarah and David free themselves and start battling with step-dad.  At the canal Richard shouts one final 'I LOVE YOU' (I think he was looking in the mirror at the time) and drives the car straight in. Cut to underwater blub glug bubble Sarah escapes with Bethany, David squeezes out of the car but Richard pulls him back. Meanwhile Tommy and Martin dive in. They rescue David, then Gail (as Richard tries to hold her back). Tommy even goes back for Richard but the car is empty.  Richard Hillman sleeps wit da fishes .. Actually, knowing Greater Manchester canals as I do, I'd have to say Richard Hillman sleeps wit da abandoned prams, old bicycles, bedsteads and shopping trolleys and it's a wonder neither Tommy nor Martin impaled themselves whenthey dived in.  Ambulances turn up but Tommy won't go to hospital. HUGE kudos to the actors here for volunteering to shoot the underwater scenes. Very scary thing to do (especially Helen Worth who can't even swim).Because of them, we had one of the most tense and exciting scenes we've ever seen.

Meantime Joe is off dining with a client and has taken Karen with him as chaperone. Steve is frantically ringing round the cabbies trying to find out which Restaurant the meeting is in. Reminded me of the Godfather - 'I don't want my wife coming out of there with just Joe Carter's d**k in her hand'. Eventually he finds out and turns up. Karen is bladdered and not pleased tosee him.  Words are spoken. Gail is back home musing on how she has become one of those femmes fatal. She's certainly seen off her share of husbands.  The Police arrive - they have found a body in the canal. Gail volunteers to identify it. Strange - do the Police think there are TWO (or more) bodies in the canal and they have dredged up someone else's? Even more strange because the copper involved
conducted a lengthy interview with Dastardly Dick not long ago and you'd think he'd remember what he looked like. Still, that's show business. Gail identifies the grey-faced corpse in the body bag.  Then she solemnly goes to the canal and before the Police can say 'Oi, we might need those for evidence' she throws her rings into the dark and oily waters. Where, ten thousand years later, two hobbits called Smeagol and Deagol . no, wait . wrong story. And so we say farewell to Richard Hillman.  Goodbye Brian Capron. You were brilliant.

Came the Dawn . The Poster outside the Kabin says 'Serial Killer Drowns'. I wasn't sure that two murders make a serial but there you go. Norris points out, wisely, that for evil to triumph it is necessary only for the scriptwriters to be given a storyline. Or something. Gail is throwing Richard's clothes out. David is vowing never to watch the DVD player Richard bought him. Baby Bethany is practising holding her dolly under the water in the sink. And when Jason wants to know if Sarah's whole life flashed before her she asks 'What life? I'm only 16'. So there you are; Father murdered, Mother and Grandmother nearly murdered, Brother a runaway bridegroom, underage Mother, kidnapped by a Psycho (apart from Richard) nearly drowned with her baby, step-father and step-brother nearly burned to death, in a car crash with a psycho (apart from Richard) - how uneventful it all must seem.

Speaking of car crash psychos, Ade turns up to say good-bye to Ken and give him a farewell present - a copy of 'Crime and Punishment'. Deirdre is unimpressed. But since, out of the two of them, Ken is the only one who has actually committed a crime even though Deirdre is the one who's spent serious time behind bars, it all seems appropriate. Ade also tries to get back with Sarah, without success.

Shelley gets a phone call. Her sister Sharon has died. (Is this one of those families with themed names? - Shelley, Sharon . maybe the other siblings are Sheila, Shelob and Shelizabeth?)  Peter agrees to drive her to Bradford. Of course, this means Shelley will be away while Peter is getting married to Lucy but probably they'll save her some cake and a copy of the wedding video.

A pair of eyebrows enter the Rovers followed by Steve who brings flowers to make up with Karen. The lovebirds stand at the bar:
Steve - 'Slapper'
Karen -  'Plonker'
And she gives him a loving peck on the cheek. Aw.

Meanwhile, Kirk takes delivery of a huge pile of boxes. He claims to have won a competition - the prize is a year's supply of toilet paper which he proceeds to start selling to the rest of the Street. Katy spends an evening in the Rovers with Tyrone & the lads, drinking great quantities of Orange Juice before falling off her chair. Her parents are convinced the lads have been spiking her drinks but Martin realises it's more serious and gets her to hospital where they diagnose diabetes. Joe takes the Underworld Grrrlz out for a drink but, following an altercation with Janice, Karen is left alone with Joe. He confesses he is nuts about her. She rebuffs him. Steve, meantime, is going crazy, believing the worst. When Karen finally gets home he insists she resign. She refuses and he throws her out.

John Dean


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