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Thursday 14 June 2012

Coronation Street Weekly Update - June 5 2001

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It's been a pretty dull week on the street this week and I guess after the trauma of Toyah's rape and Alma's illness getting worse, dullness should be welcome. But it's dullness of the worst kind inducing ennui. (I can use words like that now I've graduated with a 1st). But fear not, for I know that things will spice up next week with an episode every night. Until then, dear reader, bear with me and I'll try not to bore you to tears. (Whaddya mean, I do that every week? Who said that? Who?)

So, you know it's been a dull week when the highlight has been the wedding of Clocking-On Karen to Streetcar Steve. The person at the registry office - I know it's not a vicar, but I don't know what you call them what does the proceedings at such a place - didn't need to ask Karen if she took Steve to be her lawful husband, she just asked if she took him for everything he's got. To hold his wallet, love his money and cherish his paypacket for ever and ever. Amen. At the wedding, Karen's done up in a pink frock with straps so thin they look like joints on Barbie's shoulder. Oh yes, Karen's a sharp one alright. She's got her sights on half of Streetcars while Steve's fallen for his new wife hook, line and sinker. He tells her he loves her. He tells her he meant every word at the service and needless to say, she doesn't reply. Vik can't stomach what his best mate has gone and done so he goes and stays with Bobbi while Geena's been whisked away by Dev for 3 weeks in Barbados. Lucky cow. 3 weeks with Dev in Blackpool would do me. Actually, a 10 minute chat over a cup of tea and a Tunnock's would be fine, really.

The test results are back for Ashley and Maxine and it's not good news. Ashley's sperm count is low and the doc suggests letting nature take its course for a few more months before running tests like a testicular biopsy. Maxine empathises with her husband in that special loving way she has about her: "I want IVF and I want it now!". Her attitude stuns Ashley, and he tells Maxine he can't go for further tests, he's too scared. Maxine, however, hints that if Ashley can't provide her with a baby, she might look somewhere else, at someone else, who can give her what she wants. Ashley, scared that infertility will lead to infidelity talks to Fred in the cafe and says he feels inadequate not being able to provide what Maxine most desires. Fred reminds him the condition is medical, not emotional and that sorting things out with Maxine is "a hard lesson of what marriage is all about". Fortunately, the pair of them do make up later when Ashley agrees to further tests and Maxine apologises for being a spoilt brat/drama queen/nagging hag/far too immature to be a good mother/all of the above.
As Curly oohs and aahs over a picture of little Alice that Raquel's sent him from France, Emma knows she has to come clean with her news. When she tells Curly she's pregnant, he rushes her off to the doc's for a confirmation test (yes, she is, it's 6 weeks gone), hugs and kisses Emma, he's smiles all over and then promises to keep it a secret before blurting it out in the Rovers. Right in front of Maxine and Ashley. Not the best place perhaps and not the best people. Maxine runs home crying: "I want what they've got, s'not fair, s'not". (I have never wanted to hit someone as much as I have wanted to slap Maxine to tell her to pull herself together. Not that I can't understand her situation, I can - I think - but it's just that she's already proving she's a bad role model for any child and therefore should not be allowed anywhere near one. So there.) But anyway, I digress. Emma confides to Charli that she doesn't feel ready to become a mum just yet but she'll do it for Curly, because, bless him, this is the best thing that's happened to him, ever. "Me, you and a couple of kids" he says, "Life doesn't get any better than this."
Some strange (but still dull) goings-on in the hardware shop as Kirk, Todd and Candice tease Jason about fancying Sally, his boss. Jason tries to kiss Sally when they're in the shop together and when Sally tells him to lay off, he walks out in a strop. Back at No. 11, Dennis spots Jason taking money from Eileen's purse and when he confronts him, somehow Jason ends up with a bloody nose (although I didn't see anything more violent that Dennis putting his arm up to stop Jason leaving the room with the money). Eileen doesn't believe Jason when he tells her that Dennis hit him and when Dennis denies the charge also, Jason walks out of the house in another strop. Teenagers, eh? Can't live with them, can't sell them for horse meat.

As Ken tries to interest Peter in a teaching career, and he also gets some advice from Charli, it looks like Corrie's doing one of their 'This is a Government announcement, we need more teachers' sort of storyline. But fear not. Peter has done his sums and added up the pros and cons of teaching and decided instead, to work as a cashier in the local bookies. And so another dusty, long forgotten set has to be repainted and polished to give Peter a life.

As Alma gets worse, she forces herself out for Bethany's 1st birthday party over at the Platts. An interesting party, one of those occasions where what isn't said is more important than what is. And because it wasn't, it was. Roy and Hayley turn up with the biggest box - a 10 volume set of children's encyclopedias, although Bethany was more interested in watching the cameraman to the left. Candice leaves the party early, bored with babies; Maxine coos in the kitchen; Alma issues invitations for dinner to the Croppers; Audrey worries for her friend while presiding over her matriarchy; Kevin's reminded of the 1st anniversary of Jake's death and all the while, Gail captures everything on her video camera as S Club 7 play on in the background. She captures every lie, every tear, every false smile. What she doesn't see is Sarah Lou in the garden with Hayley, wondering what's happened to her life, her friends, her future.


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