Corrie weekly updates from 1995, 17 years in 17 e-books
All the wit and warmth of Weatherfield, none of the waffle
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Written by John Dean (Glenda was taking a break from
the updates)
Emma is still trying to get in to see Ben and, persuaded by Norris. Curly
lets her in. So she shuts him out and changes the locks. And threatens that
she will keep Ben if they split permanently. And Curly is back where he
started - lodging with Jack and Vera, all alone. Two kids, two wives and he
can't see any of them. Still, he gets the last of the eggs, sausage, full
coronary thrombosis while Jack is forced to crunch muesli.
Wally turns up to put the moves on Tracyluv. A brief discussion leads to a
negotiated settlement whereas the party of the first part and the party of
the second part agree that a) They're both terribly fond of Blanche b)
Neither is interested in commitment and c) the party of the 1st part would
be willing to let the party of the 2nd part get a closer look at the labels
on her Marks and Sparks lingerie if the party of the 2nd part would care to
give the party of the 1st part a closer look at his cheque-book stubs. This
really is a match made in heaven. I'm only sorry I won't be writing the
update when it reaches its, you should pardon the expression, climax. Though
I have to say that the younger Dean sibling is fearful of the idea that
Callisto and Orinoco may actually mate .
Sarah is fearful of losing Todd but he has been doing his sums. He reckons
to get a student loan and bursary of 6,000 a year, from which he expects to
pay 600 a month for a flat in Oxford (No, stop it, I've spilt my Sanatogen
all down my shirt). So if Sarah gets a job for 10,000 a year, that will be
them sorted. Obviously not heard of tax, National Insurance or even the
Oxford tradition that first year students have to live in college.
Sarah, Katie and Candice set about their homework interspersed without
discussions about the joys of the older man. And hormones. Sarah wants to
know if Katie has done anything for her Biology exam. Obviously she would
like to say 'Martin' but he is not co-operating. Even when Gail told him to
be careful on the fun-run in case he pulled something, he didn't take the
hint. For his 35th Birthday, Katie buys him a watch (which he won't accept -
'We're not mates. Me and yer dad are mates. You and our Sarah are mates')
though he accepts the bottle of Tonic from David.
It is Steve and Karen's second Wedding Anniversary. He finds her in the
Rovers, for once without Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine. She tries to
give him the wedding ring back. He refuses . she tries again . essentially a
game of shove ha'penny without the ha'pennies.
Dev finally gets Sunita out on a date. In the middle of the restaurant he
gets down on one knee and offers her his Grandmother's engagement ring.
'Will you marry me?' The whole restaurant goes 'Aw!' Fifteen million viewers
go 'Aw!' Sunita points out that 'Lurve' has not been mentioned. That makes
it sound like an arranged marriage to her, and she's already run away from
one of those. She storms out.
Sunita discusses the situation with her female friends. She assures Shelley
that Dev has changed after his holiday in India. 'And what 'appens', asks
Shelley reasonably, 'if 'e goes on another 'oliday and changes back?'
Sunita tells Deirdre 'Dev has proposed'. 'Oh Aye', says the scraggy one, ''
Oo to?'
Meantime, Deirdre is turning into Miss Marple, trying to dope out who Tracy'
s new boyfriend might be. As she explains to Ken - 'Summat's going on'.
There's fake tan on the towels, exfoliator all over the bathroom, secretive
phone calls ..
As she is speaking, Ken goes over to the bookcase, looks up a word in the
Dictionary and goes back to the paper. Deirdre wants to know what he was
looking up. 'Witter' says Ken. 'Is it fer yer Crossword?' Apparently not,
Ken just wants to confirm it means 'to speak with annoying lengthiness on
trivial matters'. And is interested to learn it is of Scottish origin.
Wally arrives to chauffeur Tracyluv back to Casa Orinoco where she is
treated to the delights of the indoor swimming pool. He makes a fox's paw by
inviting Tracy to stay the night and she reacts with outrage - 'What kind of
girl do you think I am?' Which was a golden, but missed, opportunity to trot
out the old joke - 'We've already established that, now we're just haggling
about the price.'
Wally offers to include Tracy in his Will and the sunshine breaks through
the clouds again.
Meanwhile Joe and his Muppet Pal Frank are pretending to rob the Factory so
Mike won't realise that the fictitious order from Artrec (which he thought
hadn't been delivered), hadn't been delivered because *now* he will think it
*had* been delivered but had been stolen by bandits. Of course, in the
middle of the tense and exciting robbery (not) Harry turns up to collect his
wallet which he'd left in his overalls. And hears a suspicious noise ..
Which turns out to be a cat. Harry leaves. Sighs of relief from Joe and
Frank. Honestly, this kind of stuff gives crap a bad name.
Whose cat was this? Does Harry wonder how it got into the Factory? Why is it
the only cat in Weatherfield that makes a sound? Doesn't Harry think it will
set off the alarm after he's locked it in?
And Clare's boyfriend makes an appearance, to her chagrin and Ashley's
amusement. Clearly, she is getting fonder of her employer . Who'd have
thought it?
But enough for now, my Intercontinental chums. I return you to the safe
hands of the Tunnock Queen while I am off Underground Overground Wombling
Free.
John Dean
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