Corrie weekly updates from 1995, 17 years in 17 e-books
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This week's update written by John Dean as Glenda was away.
So - Alma vants to be a lawn in the Lake District but Mike turns up, the living embodiment of 'I want to be there for you' - literally. 'How long have I got?' asks Alma 'Not very'. Strangely, now she's all on her own, Alma's hair looks neater than when she was living with a hairdresser. Hmmm. Linda phones Mike (at last! a plot device where the mobile phone can be used to advantage!) Hearing that he intends to stay a while with Alma, Linda collars Karen - when the going gets tuff, the tuff go shopping. Mike decides he will take care of Alma and tells Linda he's not coming back after all. Linda announces to Karen that they're now beyond shopping. Shortly afterwards, Harvey Reuben turns up. Linda drops hints that Mike's away for the night. Harvey takes a pace backwards. Linda tells him he's scared. Harve denies it. Linda says he would be if he knew what she had in mind. (Oh NO! Not sex!) Meanwhile Mike keeps vigil by the bedside of the sleeping Alma.
Came the dawn (not the only thing that came, by the look on Linda and Harvey's faces) and the Grrrls are stuck outside Underworld. Karen rings Linda (again with the mobile phones - obviously part of the economy drive - Granada are planning to shoot the whole show on one set and most of the dialogue will be over the phone to unseen characters thus also saving appearance fees) Linda says the Grrrls are like cats - want to be in when they're out, want to be out when they're in. She gives them 2 days paid holiday. (To follow Maundy Thursday & Good Friday, Linda Day and Harvey Bonk Holiday)
Meantime Norris and Anthony are bonding. Norris reveals he thinks of Rita as an honorary man. Anthony blanches visibly. ''You haven't actually told her?'' Alma and Mike are doing a Kate Winslet and Leo on a boat on the Lake. Alma compares her death to coming out of a film before the end. Gail persuades Audrey to go away with her and Sarah after Mike rings to say everything's OK.
Two Social Workers arrive at the Caf. They have investigated Roy and Hayley's complaint and believe they are making false allegations to enable Wayne to stay with them. Wayne's Mum and Stepdad and Wayne himself deny there has been any violence. R & H pay a visit to Wayne's Mum but she's too scared to talk.
Alma begs Mike not to leave Linda - 'so you won't be lonely when I'm gone'. Meanwhile, Linda has Harvey back at the flat. 'I hope you've not eaten' says she. 'You told me not to' quoth he. 'Yes, but I don't know how obedient you are.' She should really be wearing a PVC boiler suit to deliver lines like that. Linda has decided to divorce Mike so he will be forced to sell the Factory for a settlement. ''So someone could pick up me and the business as a package ..' Harvey looks as if he's lost a shilling (N. America dime) and found a sixpence (N. America nickel)
Came the dawn . oh, I already did that one .. and Harvey is trying to sneak out without paying, I mean without waking Linda. But she appears and traps him in her dressing gown. (What he was doing in her dressing gown I'll never know)
But Alma feels poorly and Mike brings her back home. He finds the Factory shut as Audrey and family shoot past on their way to London. He returns to the flat to find hairy Harvey getting out of the shower. He hits Linda and tells her 'Alma is worth a hundred of you'. 'So,' says Linda, 'I was right all along' Mike tells her she's trash. She points out she filled his order book. 'Yes,' says Mike, 'and now I know how.' Harvey keeps trying to leave and / or get dressed and keeps getting told to shut up.
In the Rovers, Dougie is looking at the entry forms for 'Landlord of the Year'. He wants to know 'What's a B-52?' Betty thinks it's an aircraft, Shelley says it's a cocktail. Mike starts knocking back large Scotches and spills the beans about Alma.
Peter Hartnell turns up at the caf to tell Roy and Hayley that Social Services think they are using Wayne to satisfy their emotional needs. Accordingly, they are suspended from fostering.
Karen arrives at the flat to find Linda sinking champagne and discover she's slept with Harvey. 'You never!' (So Karen uses the old Lancashire irregular verb 'to never' as in I never, you never, he never, we never, they never) Anyone noticed, Karen's starting to act like Steve MacDonald (in both sense of the word)? Linda's started to act like Bette Davis (''Yes! I slept with him! And I'm glad. I tell you, glad!'')
Mike arrives at Alma's to find her being comforted by Ken. Civil greetings are exchanged. Alma realises how bad things must be if Ken and Mike are being nice to each other.
Meantime Norris and Anthony, the Odd Couple, are perfecting their double act at the Kabin, telepathically (or even telepathetically) anticipating what their customers require and offering fulsome 'Thank you for your custom' and 'Nice Day' wishes Linda turns up to confront Alma. 'Yer look all right to me'' ''Do you know, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me''. She explains that she and Mike are friends, not lovers, though she's flattered Linda would be jealous. ''And it's no good screwing your face up like that'' (Uh-oh, Linda *wasn't* screwing her face up - that's her normal expression! Now there'll be trouble) Alma confirms she persuaded Mike to go back to Linda. She guesses what must have happened and calls her a stupid girl. Linda pushes her. (Linda PUSHES St Alma of the Hairdo?! And does a bolt of lightning descend to strike her hand and wither her fingers? It does not - and they claim this is the realistic soap! Hah!). Alma collapses and Linda takes her to the hospital, pursued by Mike, Ken and Curly. Linda denies she did anything. The Doc confirms Alma's kidneys are failing. Linda nips out for a cig. Alma says she doesn't want to die in Hospital and Mike bullies the Doc into discharging her.
Meantime, Norris is in the soundproof booth of the Post Office while Anthony pushes him for the 125,000 quid question. 'Guacamole?' suggests Norris. 'You sure? Final answer? Phone a friend?' 'I'm sure' 'You are correct' Hurray! Jumping up and down by both parties as Rita arrives in the Kabin. Remember those Morecambe and Wise shows where Ernie is Centre Stage rabbiting on and Eric suddenly appears right at the back of the set? So far away you can't clearly see the expression on his face but you can tell exactly what he's thinking by the way he tilts his head? That's exactly the shot we get of Tony with Rita in the background. Colonial chums should video this episode so they can watch Anthony and Norris without distraction then rewind and watch Rita without distraction.
And Roy and Hayley invite Alex round on pretext of having money for Wayne. Roy has hidden a tape recorder to catch Alex in an admission of violence to the Boy. He succeeds but Alex spots the recorder and smashes it to bits. And does a bolt of lightning descend to strike his foot and wither his toes? No. Realism? Ptoooi. Alex tells the Croppers they can have Wayne - for ten grand.
Mike is keeping vigil at Alma's bedside, assisted by Ken. Alma is fading fast, becoming incoherent from the painkiller, but wants to see Audrey. Linda turns up with a Fathers' Day card for Mike from Adam and Mike tells her to sling her hook.
Alex turns up at Roy's with Wayne who has a bandage on his wrist. Roy insists on checking the injury - 'I'm a trained first-aider' - and it is badly bruised. Alex claims Wayne fell over and Wayne supports the story. Alex points out it's a dangerous world out there - ''one day some kid's going to get seriously hurt ...'' Alex is prepared to settle for 5 grand for Wayne as he has debts to pay.
Four generations of Roberts's Platts and Tilsleys tumble out of a taxi. Curly gives Audrey the news and drives her to Alma's. But Audrey can't face going in .. Alma is weak. She asks Mike to choose some music. Mike puts on Perry Como (Perry Como? Perry COMO?) Apparently Mike took Alma to see a Como concert at the Albert Hall and still remember show her face lit up when Perry walked on. Alma is asleep. Mike tells her he's never loved anyone the way he loved her.
Audrey is persuaded to see Alma. Even Linda has crept into the bedroom (Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!) Alma is sleeping. Audrey prattles on about nothing until it becomes apparent that Alma is no longer sleeping.
Cue silent credits.
(What should happen next, as written by Terry Pratchett)What actually happened next ....
Alma looked at the throng of people round her bed. Why would Ken *and* Mike and Curly and Linda and Audrey and Gail and Doctors and Nurses all be in her bedroom? And she couldn't see who was in the bed.
'Excuse me,' said Alma, trying to push her way through the throng.
'I'M AFRAID THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU'
'Oh, it's you'.
'I RATHER THOUGHT YOU WERE EXPECTING ME'
'Well, yes. It's just happened quicker than I thought.'
'IT OFTEN DOES. WOULD YOU CARE TO STEP THIS WAY?'
Alma found herself in the Caf.
'Why', she said, 'There's Alf Roberts. And Kevin's Alison. And Judy Mallett. Is that Babeh Kateh she's holding?'
'YES'
'Who are those three old biddies in the corner?'
'JUST OLD FRIENDS. THE ONE WITH THE HAIRNET FRIGHTENS ME A BIT'
A scruffy man limped up.
'I don't know if you can forgive me.'
'Of course I can, Don. This is no time to bear grudges'.
'Can I help you dear?' came a posh voice from behind the counter ' Only we prefer our clientele to at least purchase a beverage.'
'What about all my other friends?'
'THEY'LL TURN UP SOONER OR LATER'
'Mike and Audrey?'
'NOT FOR A WHILE, BUT THEY'LL BE HERE'.
I suppose even Baby Bethany ends up here.'
'YES. AND QUITE SOON IF SHE DOESN'T PACK IN THE OVERACTING. ANYWAY, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I'VE A COLLECTION IN ALBERT SQUARE..'
Dawn breaks to find Audrey maniacally cleaning the house. She breaks down as Gail comforts her.
Dawn breaks to find Linda trying to charm her way round Mike. Unsuccessfully.
Sgt Emma's eating oranges, Max is advising on ante-natal cravings.
Janice is grilling Karen for the lowdown on Baroness Baldwin. Curly's upset that Emma hasn't told her boss she's pregnant - she's still taking chances with the Weatherfield Sharpshooters.
Hayley thinks it's wrong to buy children. Roy believes it can't be bad if it achieves good. So, Monsieur Cropper is a closet Marxist, tendence Groucho!
Audrey and Mike keep each other company. Audrey has Alma's instructions - no religious ceremony, no-one to wear black - plus a video - not to be shown until after the cremation. Mike acknowledges that a dying person 's last wishes are sacred but wants to bung the video on anyway.
Chez Platt, David is annoyed that Sarah has brought *his* computer downstairs from his room. So Sarah's like it's *our* computer and she won't go in David's room because it smells like a kennel and David's like you're the only dog who goes in there. I personally think it's quite miraculous Sarah has managed to set up the computer in a place where previously there were no electric sockets. Could it be there's to be a storyline involving a computer? And Granada are saving money by not having to build a set of David's room? Hmmmm!
And Mike puts Linda in the spare bedroom. And Roy goes for a walk - just him and his shopping bag - and there's Alex - what a surprise! Roy agrees he will hand over the five grand on Wednesday two thirty while Hayley's at the Cremation on condition that Alex says nothing to either Hayley or Wayne about the deal.
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