Coronation Street Weekly Update - June 16 1998

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Sal tells Kev she wants to buy Nat out of the garage with Sal's mum's cash. Alec tells Kev that Sam told him Nat made the phone call from the hospital last week. Nat threatens Sal with slander and solicitors, after Sam told Nat that Sal had been spreading the gossip that it was Nat who made the phone call (when it was Sam). Sal asks Sam why she's been saying these things, but Sam says that Nat told her it was Sal. Sam tells Sal that Kev and Nat are planning to run away together with Sal's money. Sal tells Rita, who tells Sal to ask Kev about Nat. Kev denies all. Kev gets Des and Nat to tell Sal the truth about Sam but Sal walks out, unconvinced. Kev and Des confront Sam who denies all. Alec enters, Sam cries, Kev and Des leave. Sam tells Alec that Nat said he'd been harassing her in the Rovers and that he'd molested her in the bar area. Alec confronts Nat, Nat blames Sam. Sam also tells Alec that Des laughs at him 'cos he's short and can't get a woman. Alec confronts Des. Des blames Sam. (Are you with me so far?) Des confronts Sam, Tiger escapes from Curly's. Des picks up Nat's pussy off the street. In t'Rovers, Nat and Alec have Sam sussed and confront her with Tiger. Sam lies. Then (phew) Sam admits all, walks out, Alec sacks her, she prepares to ride off on her bike. Finally leaves the Street after telling Des she IS preggers after all and by this time, we're all so flipping grateful she's gone, no one cares whether Des is going to be a dad, or not. Confused? You will be.

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks "Do you know how to drive this thing?

Gary has walked out on Judy and he,s disappeared after she told him about Paul Fisher and playing fast and loose with her personal slot machine. Judy, frightened that Zoe will spill the beans after she lets Judy know that she knows who the real father of the baby is, feels she has no choice but to come clean with Gary and tell him the truth. Gary listens to what Judy has to say, then without histrionics (I think that's the poshest word I've ever used in an update!), he simply turns away, walks out the front door and tells Judy "We're finished."

Q: What's green and takes an hour to drink? A: A student grant

Yup, Spider is back and looks set for some great scenes in the forthcoming weeks. Alf has stepped down as councillor, and Spider overhears Fred and Audrey chatting in the Rovers about this, and decides to stand for council himself. He intends to stand for environmental issues and hopes to win Weatherfield's 'green vote'. He threatens Fred he's going to campaign for Weatherfield to be made a meat-free zone. Audrey, appalled that "Stig of the dump" (her words, not mine) is going to stand for council is enraged enough to announce that she too will stand for council, and give the "scruffy beggar a run for his money" (her words again, not mine - he isn't scruffy, it's more sort of garden-worm chic). Fred offers to orchestrate Audrey's campaign, but it's obvious he has more on his mind, I say more on his mind, with Mrs Roberts than he cares to admit right now. Audrey of course, is lapping up all of Fred's attention, and says she intends to do for Weatherfield what Margaret Thatcher did for the country (well, that's Weatherfield screwed then). Spider asks her what her policy will be, for instance, on air quality. "Well, you see, that's something I know a bit about, 'cos I'm a fully qualified 'airdresser." she replies.

"Trade's bad, Paddy, I think oi'll sell me pub and buy a brothel". "T''wont work Mick. If you can't sell beer, what makes you think you can sell soup?"

Janice has had just about enough of the dirty great camper van outside of her front door, but Les refuses to budge. He goes to the Mallets to use their toilet, even taking his own toilet roll. Janice reports Les to the police but there's nothing they can do as Les has taken the wheels off the van so it isn't a road worthy vehicle any longer and he can't be fined for being in charge of a van with no wheels. Janice cries to Leanne that she loves Les but doesn't like being taken for granted and wishes he would make a bit of an effort for her. Leanne tells Les to get himself sorted - which he does, in style! He wires up the stereo and flashing disco lights to the front of the van, and gets dressed in a blue velvet suit, frilly shirt and dicky-bow tie. As Janice leaves the factory, a bouquet of flowers is delivered to her by a florist, and we all look on in amazement as Les starts crooning the old 10cc hit "I'm not in love." I laughed so much, milk came out of my nose, which was odd as I was drinking Guinness at the time. What a scream this scene was, absolutely brilliant and it did the trick for Janice. Les scoops her up in his arms and marches her up the stairs in the Battersby house, waving at the onlookers from the bedroom window. Mike Baldwin comes out to see what's going on "What are they doing up there?" he asks... as if we needed to be told. A brilliant scene, excellent, a true Coronation Street gem.

A man staggered into a police station with a duck stuck on his head. "Can I help you?" asked the desk sergeant. "Yes" said the duck. "Get this man off my feet"

Greg still has designs on Sally, and it looks like Maxine is going to find out just what a prat she's been dating the last few weeks, when we find out it may be more than Sally's good looks that Greg is after. Remember, Sal's just come into some money and Greg, me laddo, is skint.

First hippy: "Hey, turn the radio on, man". Second hippy: "Radio, you're so sexy and I love you, man"

Glenda :-)

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