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Ken and Deirdre have gone down to London after Tracylove rings
up and invites them there for a few days. (Funny, I haven't seen
them - and I've been looking). I mention this because it will
have important repercussions for next week's update but for now,
let's just say, they've left Blanche at home and have told her
nothing about Susan's secret and Ken's recently discovered grandson.
Tune in next week for more of that little storyline then - which
will coincide with the fact that Linda and Geena have gone and
arranged a dinner party at the Baldwin's for a cosy foursome with
their fellas. So, there'll be Dev with his knowledge and his morals
(or you could say ethics, in fact, you could rename him Dev-id
Ethics; but only if you were a bit sad, like me) and Mike with
his secret son. Add Blanche into the equation and you just know
it's all going to go pear shaped* / balls up* (*delete whichever
one upsets you the most).
Eileen throws a housewarming party and invites teacher Charlie
who lives across the road, you know, that nice Doctor Ramsden's
wife. Charlie and Eileen haven't been getting on too well and
Charlie summed Eileen up as: "She'll be all meat and potato
pie, that woman" whereas Eileen returned later with: "Condescending
little cow". However, after a few tequilas too many (although
in my case, one Mexican tequila that sent hallucinations from
hell is too many - have you ever seen walls bleed?), Charlie is
strutting her stuff in Eileen's living room at the party, causing
much mirth for Eileen's sons. As they're also Charlie's pupils,
Dennis advises Todd and Jason not to mention it at school. Eileen's
settling into No. 11 but her sons aren't really settling down
to playing happy families, making life miserable for Dennis. So,
when Eileen asks Dennis to move in there with her, he has to say
he can't, not yet, however much he'd like to have said yes. Actually,
what he really said was, and I quote: "Moving in with you
is a long way down the road". But... it's only a few short
steps, surely?
When Maria comes out in a rash all over her body, Tyrone is
concerned and rushes her to the new health centre. When Sam in
the garage comes out in a rash all over his arms, Tyrone is convinced
that he and Maria are having an affair behind his back. And so,
as you do when you're 17, they call off the engagement after accusing
each other of things they aren't guilty of and generally stropping
about with each other instead of sitting down and talking things
through properly. (Although you can also be in your late 30's
to manage the last bit quite well, not that I would know anyone
who does that sort of thing, oh no). Now, we know Sam is a bit
dim but he finally manages to put 2+2 together and gets 7.4, which
in the Grou dialect of the Plox accent is, in fact, prounced "Greaso".
Oh yes. It's an industrial strength hand cleaner they use in the
garage and instead of buying the real, expensive thing, Sam succumbed
to buying some cheap stuff from his uncle Pat. He's allergic to
it and now it seems, is Maria. Will Sam scrub up and come clean
about this mucky business or will he wash his hands of the whole
affair? <go on, gis a job, I write well and make smashing tea>.
Les passes the Knowledge. And, for the millions of people who
will email me to ask what the Knowledge is, the answer, my friend
is a test that taxi drivers have to take to prove they can get
you from A to B via P, round Z and through the S, T and U three
times when you could have walked and saved yourself a fiver. So,
Steve and Vik now have to eat their words, which would have been
okay had they said: "pie" or "Tunnocks caramel
wafer" but as they'd promised Les a job driving for Streetcars,
they have to take him on the staff. On his first job, there's
a blonde in a fur coat (with a cold bottom, no doubt) who Vik
demands he take to Prestwich airport, a quick little job. But
no, Vik had got it wrong, it's not Prestwich, it's Prestwick in
Scotland, that she wanted taking to and so he's away overnight
and for ages. Janice is certain Les is cheating on her and Steve
and Vik are certain he's done a runner with the cab, so when he
comes back with a wadge of cash and a believable story, no one
wants to know. The stories they'd made up for themselves had been
a lot better.
Over at the Rovers, Mike is keen to welcome kids into the pub
as happy kids are hungry kids who eat hotpot and drink fizzy orange
while their parents have a drink or two to cope with the ordeal
of taking their kids out to eat in public. It seems to be going
well although Gail isn't best pleased that Martin has David in
there against her wishes to wish Martin replied: "If you
had your way, you'd have him at home, knitting!". (Why the
fuss? It didn't do my brother any harm). Gail and Martin go to
parent's evening at Sarah Lou's school together, only to be told
that she isn't doing very well in her studies. Since she's had
Bethany, her grades have fallen and she's behind on her homework.
What to do, what to do.. but for them both to go to the Rovers
and drink and moan?
Sally's been called away to her sister's in Newcastle (since
when has she had a sister in Newcastle? I've never seen her, and
I've been looking). Anyway, this means Danny is left at home in
superman mode, looking after the girls, running the hardware shop
and, yes, and, decorating the house to get it into a state ready
to sell, against Sally's wishes. But has she told him she doesn't
want to move? Has she actually said: "Oi, Danny, NO?".
I don't think so. When Sally calls from her sister's, she's surprised
and angry that Danny hasn't turned the girls over to Kevin and
that he hasn't even told Kevin that Sally has gone away. Oh dear,
perhaps you should move away Sally, physically and emotionally.
Maxine and Ashley have been maximising Mrs Peacock's window
of fertility, or whatever she wants to call it, at every available
opportunity. Fred thinks it's rather sweet that they're trying
so hard to extend the family line, until he finds the butcher
shop closed when it should have been open - and in the middle
of the afternoon too! Audrey isn't happy either, what with Maxine
dashing off for nookie between perm solutions and blue rinsing
at the salon.
And finally this week, Anthony and Rita go out for dinner.
When they return in a taxi to the street, they find devil daughter
Amanda there whinging on about how she's lost her house keys and
can't get in the house. Anthony gives his keys to her and then
she sulks that she has to go home alone without her dad as he
makes it clear he's spending the night with Rita. Amanda turns
to leave, but not before putting a spell on Rita and cursing her
hair to turn mauve. Not really, but sort of.
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