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Written by John Dean as Glenda was away
Audrey finds her investments have lost 6,000 UKP in value.
She is determined to tackle Richard but Richard is equally determined
not to be tackled. Richard falls back on the standby of the professional
Financial Adviser from Time Immoral. 'You've lost some money.
That's life' Duggie points out to Richard what a wonderful Mother-in-Law
Audrey would make someone. Will Audrey be able to audit the accounts?
Will Richard's audacious scheme work? An audible mutter runs round
the auditorium. 'Who cares?' it whispers.
Sunita gets Duggie to help with her plumbing as she claims
not to know a stopcock from a ballcock (I think there's enough
material there for you to make several jokes for yourselves)
Gail wants to ask Richard to move in but is fearful she might
put him off by asking. 'Hurry Gail' we cry 'Before you run out
of bleach for your roots'
Anita is reminiscing about her part in 'les evenements de 1968'
in Paris followed by her affair with a member of the British Government.
Yeah, right. Then she saved the world by blowing up the lair of
an evil genius concealed in a Japanese Volcano, scored the winning
goal in the cup final and won a Gold Medal at the Olympics.
Dr Tall is looking for blood donors (speaking of tall, what
do you call 12 naked men sitting on each others' shoulders? A
scrotum pole). He inveigles his way into Max's house & they have
their usual 'We have to talk' 'We have nothing to talk about'
'What about Ash?' 'What about him?' 'Please Max' 'I think you'd
better go'. This is the eleventeenth such unlikely exchange of
dialogue they've had. I think the script gofer photocopied the
same page eleventeen times by accident and is trying to cover
up the mistake by inserting an extra Matt 'n' Max page in every
week's shooting script.
Gill invites Karen to set a honey trap for Dev. Karen refuses
and wants to know what Gill takes her for. We know the answer,
don't we boys and girls?
Richard takes Gail for a Chinese (hardly surprising with those
cheekbones. Arf arf) Actually, a meal in an Asian restaurant.
Gail asks him to move in, Richard proposes marriage. CLUE (Poss
Spoiler) - After the show the Central announcer invited viewers
to access the ITV website where quote 'the dastardly Richard Hillman
will be on-line' (No mention of the muttley Gail Platt heheheheh).
So is this an indication that Richard is a baddie?
Deirdre is not impressed with Ken's gallivanting around with
Anita. The last late night she had was when the Conservatives
were in power. (I love that - most of my life that joke would
only have made sense as 'my last late night was when Labour were
in power' - now it's the Conservatives. Mind you, my last late
night was when the Liberals were in power. I heard Mr Gladstone
was out saving loose women and I asked him to save a couple for
me.)
Geena and Karen have a slanging match in the Rovers and Karen
is sufficiently wound up to agree to Gill's plan. Oh no! Geena
will be devastated if this devilish scheme develops into reality.
Will she believe her fiance is a deviant who would devalue their
relationship with a devious doxy? Will she run away to Devon?
Or Devizes?
Duggie & Sunita spend a night of passion. And he's up and dressed
early next morning to escape before anyone spots him. But Sunita
spots him & drags him back to bed.
Ken has too much to drink at Anita's and can't drive home.
No taxis are available so he stays the night. In the spare room.
Blanche fails to provoke Deirdre into an angry reaction, even
when pointing to Roy and Hayley as being 'What I call a proper
marriage, even if it isn't' She takes to calling Ken 'The Biographer'
Ken checks Audrey's investment and it looks OK to him. Audrey
is forced to apologise to Richard. But she still doesn't trust
him.
The Blood Donor Van arrives in the Street and everyone queues
to get in, fired by Eve's promise of a free pint of beer for every
pint of blood donated. Dr Tall is reluctant to join in and we
soon discover why - he can't stand the sight of blood and faints
clean away. Luckily Norris is in the next bed and volunteers to
provide a blood transfusion - they can hook Matt up directly to
Norris & save having to wash the bottles. Norris also tries to
recite the entire Tony Hancock 'Blood Donor' sketch but is prevented.
Gill takes Geena shopping as part of the prearranged plan with
Karen. Karen visits Dev in his flat, hurls wine on him, rips off
her top, opens his shirt with one practised gesture and leaps
on top of him just in time for Geena and Gill to walk through
the front door.
And there I must leave you, my little cosmopolitan chums. To
resume normal service with Glenda, follow the trail of Tunnock
crumbs to the little shed with the red gingham curtains.
John Dean
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