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This was the week, oh yes indeed it was, when Richard broke down and confessed
all his crimes while Gail just sort of stood there with her mouth in the shape
it would make if she’d got stuck on the lo part of the word baloney.
Against Todd’s advice and without his knowledge, Sarah visits Ade in the young
offender’s institution where he’s got the results of his blood test from
the night of Maxine’s murder. After Richard had doped him up with Audrey’s
diazepam tablets, the police reckon there’s no way Ade could have carried
out the murder, there were enough pills in his system to knock out a small
horse. And as the small horse had been with friends in a bar that night
as the landlord of the Bull’s Head can confirm, it too has been cleared of
the killing of the crimper. Sarah takes this news back to Audrey who
insists she tell her mum straight away but being like any other 16 year old
who’s told to do something, she doesn’t. And so it’s left to Audrey
to break the news to Gail that Ade can’t have been the killer and oh, by
the way, does Gail know where those diazepam tablets of hers went to that
she’d left at Gail’s house. Slowly, slowly, Gail enters the Twilight Zone,
doo doo doo doo, and realises that the man she loves, doo doo doo doo, is
indeed the Corrie killer, doo doo (oh shut up with them doos and get on with
it). Confronted by Gail, Richard breaks down and admits all. Yes,
he killed Patricia. No, he didn’t murder Duggie, he fell down the stairs.
Yes, he meant to kill Emily. No, he didn’t sign a three year contract
with Granada so yes, he’ll be banged up in prison and off our screens soon.
Gail’s in tears, scared for her life but manages to keep it all together without
the wobbly-eyed histrionics she normally subjects viewers too. And
all through this, Richard defends his actions: “I’ve done all this for you,
Gail. I’ve killed for you, that’s how much I love you! Did Brian or
Martin ever love you that much?” Offering her the choice between a
brand new family home on one of those cheap estates with yellow bricks, white
drainpipes and verdigris-MDF as a style statement, or a phone call to the
police, Gail rips up the promo brochure for the new house - making her intentions
quite clear and getting the best line so far: “You’re Norman Bates with a
briefcase”. And so, Richard does a runner, tears streaming down his
face as he leaves. Indoors, Gail’s on the phone and in tears to Audrey.
Well, no-one can say she wasn’t warned.
Elsewhere, Ashley gets the results of his paternity test which prove conclusively,
I say, without a doubt, that he’s absolutely not the father of Josh, no.
It’s Matt the too-tall doctor who is father to Josh the too-big baby.
Angry at first, Ashley finally accepts things and says he doesn’t love Josh
any less than before he knew he wasn’t the real dad but Fred’s having trouble,
I say he’s finding it hard to accept that he’s not related to the babby, despite
both of them being bald, fat gibbering lumps of burpiness. Anyway,
as you knew he would, Fred says he’ll try to think of Josh as his own, although
it’ll not be easy for him to do, knowing full well that bringing up another
man’s son is the hardest thing to accept. Fred even suggests that when
Ashley is ready to move back home, he’ll move back in there wi’him and the
babby, Ah, bless.
Peter’s got small, fat, bald, burpy things on his mind too and pleads with
Lucy to let him back into her life although she’s still refusing, so he sends
his love to her via a bouquet of flowers. To her place of work. Yes,
her florist shop. (Although if you ask me, it seems a bit like sending a trendy
bar on the quayside packed with northerners in t-shirts to Newcastle).
Peter talks to Ken about babies in general, not his own in particular, and
Ken thinks he’s talking about having kids with Shelley so his advice of “don’t
be a stranger, be a proper father” makes Peter more determined to be together
with the fetid flopsy florist. Armed with Ken’s advice Peter goes round
to Lucy’s and asks him to marry her while continuing to demoralise the wonderful
Shell – and after she’d hosted a generous (albeit disastrous with Dev turned
up with Tracy) Sunday lunch for the Barlow’s too.
Curly’s more than happy for Emma to go after promotion to Inspector at work
but when she tells him it’ll involve her attending a course for two weeks,
he’s not very happy. He’s even less happy when she tells him the course
is residential, leaving him home all alone with the baby again. What’s
a matter with him, hasn’t he got any hobbies?
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda Young
, writer of
Coronation Street Weekly Updates
for the internet since 1995
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