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Yes, it’s off to Malta we go as Steve and Eileen head off on a last minute flight to the island of, er, whatever it is that Malta’s famous for. As the only thing I know about Malta is that it sounds like the sort of place where Maltesers should come from, that’ll have to do. So it’s off to Malta where the honeycomb middle weighs so little. Eileen’s chatted up by a lecherous tour rep played too fleetingly by Robin Asquith, there was hardly enough time for him to have a good leer at Eileen before he scarpered when Steve scared him with thoughts of a threesome. Steve wants the tour rep out of the way to enjoy his holiday with Eileen and doesn’t want her leaving him on his own to go flittering off with a fella. Eileen and Steve get a bit drunk and when they wake up next morning in their double bed (it was all the hotel had left at short notice) Eileen kids on to Steve that she can’t remember if they’d done the business or not. “Oh, you’d know if we had, believe me” says Steve (they hadn’t). Steve falls for Shania by the pool and has a go on the karaoke, as does Eileen, before Steve and Shania leave the bar to head back to the room. It’s all a bit predictable, but fun nonetheless, when Shania reveals herself to be a him and takes off his £1,000 wig. Eileen had known all along and had a good giggle at Steve when she gets back to the room after Shania had left. Eileen disappears to the bathroom singing the Shania Twain hit: “Man, I feel like a woman”. Da-da-de-da-de-da-da. And as the sun sets on a perfect few days in Malta, Steve and Eileen decide to take charge of their destiny back on the Street and raise a glass to changing the luck in their lives. I think I went ‘aah’ at this bit. Back on the Street in rainy Weatherfield, Steve and Eileen have the micky taken out of them by all and sundry who want to know the gory details of what went on in Malta, not least Steve’s mum Liz. “You didn’t, did yer?” she asks Eileen. (They didn’t). Anyway, Michelle returns to the Street and walks into the back room of the Rovers to make things up with Steve. They both decide, over a cuppa and a glass of wine, to commit to each other with no secrets between them. Oh dear. I wonder how long it’ll take for Michelle to find out about Shania? As Steve was running his fingers through Michelle’s shiny bobbed hair on the sofa, was he checking to make sure it wasn’t another £1,000 wig?
Meanwhile, back on the rainy streets of Weatherfield Sarah and Jason meet with the vicar who takes tea chez Platt to talk about their upcoming nuptials. He has a word with Jason to ensure he won’t do a runner through the lavvy window this time. Best line of the week went to Gail Platt chastising David for playing with his computer game before the vicar popped round: “David, I won’t have you slaughtering pimps and drug runners while the vicar’s having his fig rolls”. At a council of war held in the Rovers to discuss the upcoming wotsits, Gail hisses at Eileen to behave herself and conduct herself appropriately, please, to discuss Sarah and Jase’s wedding plans. But Eileen’s having too much fun, pretending to flirt with Steve and won’t let on just yet to what really happened (it didn’t) between them both on holiday to Malta.
Roger the plumber’s got a bard arm which means he can’t work. This means he can’t earn and in turn, this means he can’t pay his rent. Janice asks him to move in with her and Leanne but Leanne’s not best pleased when she finds out this news. Neither would I be, have you seen how small that flat is? Leanne starts looking for another investor for the pizza place and when Steve McDonald refuses point blank she turns her attentions to the Devster, who’s quite bemused by all the female attention. Whether he’ll put his hand in his pocket to give Leanne what she really wants – cash – remains to be seen.
Mr Stape continues to home tutor Sally as she struggles with Shakespeare in the front room. Young Sophie’s got a crush on Mr Stape and sits and mopes at him as he tries to help Sally with Ariel’s Song from The Tempest. Meanwhile, Kev’s still got that confused look on his face that he does every time Sally does something he doesn’t understand. It’s either that or he’s constipated. More beans needed, Sal.
Norris gets some news when Neville, the son of his ex-wife Angela comes into the Kabin and tells Norris that Angela is dead. The news fair knocks the wind from Norris’ sails. Apparently, Angela was feeling under par at the time of her death although this wasn’t too surprising as she was playing golf. Doreen helps out in the Kabin when Norris has go to have his bunions done. He’s feeling a bit low coping with the news of Angela’s death as it’s making him think about his own mortality now. Emily tries to cheer him up with a shepherd’s pie and red cabbage
Tyrone tells Kev he’s thinking of taking up sports to keep himself fit. “What? Like Five a Side?” asks Kevin. “No, like darts” says Tyrone.
And Cilla gets a job interview at a care home, thanks to Becky giving her the paper in the caff. “But to be a carer” Becky says “you have to like, care about people”.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
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