Corrie weekly updates from 1995, 17 years in 17 e-books
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Bit of a change this week. I have a very special guest here who is going to dictate this week's update and I'll type it. Let me, ladies and gentlemen, introduce my mother! Now, I'm not a bad typist at 70wpm but the problem is me mam can talk at 300wpm so I may have some trouble keeping up with her. But a little about the lady herself first. Well, here she is in all her glory, me mother, Joan. She looks a lot like me, just a bit more shrivelled. She's a mother and grandmother, worked all her life until a few years ago and now she sits at home and knits, shops, looks after the grandkids and calls herself a lady of leisure. She's even wearing her Rita Sullivan-esque sequinned t-shirt for the occasion. She can't actually see what I'm typing as she can't see the computer screen so I can add a few comments of my own as I'm typing her narrative. I'm going to try to keep as faithfully as I can to her spoken words, but where I can get a word in edgeways I'll add my own little comments (in brackets so you know it's me). Anyway, on with this week's Coronation Street update."Can I have some of that wine pet? Cheers. Do you do this every week then? Do you get paid? They can't see me can they on this internet thing? Is there a camera somewhere, is there? Can they hear me? Right, okay, no need to get stroppy pet, I'll start in a minute. Just want to have a bit wine, relax a bit, remember what's been happening this week. Notes? No, I didn't do any, you never said to write notes. Do you ever dust in here pet? This wine's nice mind, isn't it? Yes, okay, okay, where should I start?"
"Roy, well, I think he's a bit odd like, but harmless enough isn't he. Hayley well, she's a bit different". (Me: What do you think about a transsexual in a soap opera, mam?) Well, we're all God's creatures aren't we, he loves us all pet, doesn't matter what colour, what shape, live and let live, that's what I say. Anyway, Mike sacks Hayley and the factory girls threaten to go on strike, Ida Clough eggs them on, she remembers what it was like when being in a union meant something, a bit of power, up the workers. They keep asking Hayley why she's been sacked but no one will tell them. Mike tells Hayley she has to tell the girls something (the truth?!) to get the girls off his back, they're giving him a hard time about the sacking. Ah yes, Roy cancels his holidays 'cos he wants to be with Hayley if she decides to tell the girls the truth about her past, and calls himself Hayley's "significant other". He's a nice bloke, aah, isn't he? Bit odd though. Alma nags Mike to give Hayley her job back and in the end, he gives in, but Hayley tells him she isn't sure she wants to go back. Serves him bloody well right. Can I say things like 'bloody'?
Ah, Rita Fairclough, what? Sullivan? I know, but she'll always be Rita Fairclough to me. Do you want me to do this my way or not? Anyway, she's back from visiting Mavis in the Lakes and writes down things in her diary so she doesn't forget what she's up to. That Battersby bloke, who? right, Les, takes advantage of her in the shop when he pretends he's given her a £20 note and it was only a tenner. He's a bad 'un. Alec sees what's happened and assumes Rita is confused again so gives Les a tenner outside in the street to cover Rita's "mistake". Vera tells Rita about Alec and Rita loses her temper with Alec about it but goes in the Rovers later to apologise. Mind you, Alec's a bit cheesed off by this time, so he doesn't really want to speak to her. He's a good actor that Alec bloke, isn't he, used to act with Les Dawson, you know, didn't he.
Now that Sally and whatshisname, that's a bit daft now, isn't it. I don't really like it at all. Can I have another glass of wine pet? Do you mind if I smoke? Are you sure you're eating properly girl? You don't half look pasty you know. Oh, I knew I had something to tell you, that girl you were friends with at school, the one that used to flirt with the teacher, remember? She's just had another baby, that'll be three now she's got. Anyway, Sally's got that lovely bloke at home, the one with the 'tash, what? who shaved it off? did she? Well, him that had the 'tash anyway, he's a good bloke, solid, got his own garage, good worker, good looking lad like that, and his missus carrying on with that other bloke with them two bairns at home too. It's a funny carry on that one, I don't like it. Oh yes, anyway, Maxine goes to Greg's flat and she's just coming out when Sally runs in with a bottle of wine but she's even too blonde to put two and two together with that staring her in the face. Sally runs after Maxine and makes sure she's alright, she's convinced that Greg is seeing someone else but doens't know who it is. It's all a bit daft isn't it, really? And them knicker parties Sally is supposed to be doing, she's not doing it at all, she's up there with Greg in his flat isn't she? Him with the 'tash was in tears wasn't he, crying for Sally to love him and all that, and she's carrying on, well, I don't think it'll end happily, for anyone. These things never do. When you marry someone, that should be that. It was always enough in my day.
Now then, Curly, well, he's a lovely lad isn't he, I mean, he's really canny and he's got a good job, solid, and good looking but he looks a right wally in this new gear he's wearing now. Anyway, Toyah writes an article about him on his computer and he finds it by mistake and reads it, and he's really upset that people think he looks a bit daft in his new get up. Poor lad. He tells Toyah off, anyway and Les tells Toyah she should be more ruthless as a writer, and advises her to go for the "juggler". That's what he said, wasn't it? The juggler? Balls in the air! ha ha! He's really not having a good time of it, poor lad, is he? His boss, who? oh yes, Eric Firman tells him he's sold the company to an American firm called Freshco and although he tried to save Curly's job, it looks like he's going to be out on his elbow, poor lad.
Is that it then pet? What else happened? I can't remember anything else really, can you? Are we finished now then? What do you do now, can I see the internet work now? I've got about 10 minutes or so then I'd better go and get your dad's tea on, he'll be in any minute now. Can you drop me off at George's on the way back home pet, I'll get me lottery ticket. (Me: Is there anything you want to say to the thousands of people who'll be reading your words, mam, all over the world?) Errr.. haway the lads, let's have a win on Saturday, against, er, who're we playing? Tranmere, that's right, and happy birthday to Glenda for your birthday on Sunday when you'll be, what - how old? Bloody hell! Can I say bloody hell?
Glenda :-)
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