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Corrie weekly updates from 1995, 17 years in 17 e-books
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Coronation Street Weekly Updates
for the internet since 1995
There are words I like: daffodil, Cinderella, pineapple, compendium, and
words I don’t: gazump. To say it your bottom lip sticks out like a chimp,
and that’s never a good look, unless you’re under contract with Billy Smart.
Anyway, Dev and Sunita are gazumped on the house of their dreams this week.
It’s a fair posh one in Salford, it’s even got a name – Meadow View – although
the number of meadows to view in Salford remains in dispute at the time of
writing. A house, posh or not, meadow view or nay, is needed somewhat
sharpish for the Alahans when they find out Sunita’s expecting twins. Fred
Elliot will be in his element when they’re born: “Hallo little baby! I say,
hallo little baby!”. Sunita can’t contain her shock and surprise at
the news: “Twins!?!” and Dev can’t contain his delight: “How many boys?”.
Dev offers two-for-one on all baby products in the shop, which might be useful
for some, but two-for-one on Tunnocks tea-cakes would be better for all.
Desperate to start nesting, Sunita gazumps the gazumpers (see, it’s that
bottom lip thing again) but Dev rages they can’t afford it, not even after
selling his share of Streetcars to Lloyd.
It’s almost a done deal and Lloyd’s ready to take over as Steve’s partner
in Streetcars. Kelly flashes her lashes at Lloyd when she finds out
there’s more to him than a bag of chips and a scratched Northern Soul tape
cassette and the two of them plan a date with a pizza.
The Duckies are due to celebrate their 48th wedding anniversary but things
are going wrong in a way they’ve never gone wrong for Jack and Vera before.
Vera reads an article in Frankie’s magazine telling her to vent her anger,
not bottle it up and Jack does all he can to help in the venting. There are
pigeons on the kitchen table, he breaks the hoover and Vera’s beside herself
when she finds pigeon poo on her cherished photo of Cousin Charles and Camilla.
The Duckies seem intent on destroying the last vestiges of any love left
between them and Vera walks out to live in Frankie’s spare room while Jack
invites Keith and the lads to celebrate with beer.
Norris clucks around Emily, suspicious and jealous of Freda, blaming her
when Emily falls and sprains her ankle. Emily’s happy to have Freda
around although painful memories are brought back as the two of them sit
and pore over Emily’s wedding photos and she ends up in tears. When
Norris sees Emily upset, he bites Freda’s ankles, starts yapping and growls
at her to leave them alone.
Liz is introduced to Bob’s mother who gives her the once-over and asks
her son: “Where’d you get her from then? Rent-a-tart?”. Much apologising
later, Bob asks Liz to go on another date and tells her he’s into photography,
admiring the greats like Cecil Beaton and er, Helmut Newton. (I never
realised what a great actress Beverley Callard was until I saw her in Two
Pints of Lager, but I think she’s fantastic in Corrie these days).
Anyway, off she goes to Bob’s flat to have her photograph taken in the style,
she thinks, of Cecil Beaton – all sharp style and big hats. But it’s
in the style of the other fella, Helmut, he wants to shoot Liz and in her
ignorance she’s quite keen, until he brings out a saddle from the bottom
of his wardrobe. “Do you want me to sit on that?” she asks him, confused.
“No, I was rather hoping you’d wear it,” he replies. Now, for those
unfamiliar with Helmut Newton’s work, well, they’re the sort of photos the
big Sunday supplements print and defend as art while anyone with half a brain
recognises it for what it is, a mucky old bloke getting his kicks by humiliating
women. Liz is straight out of there and goes to see Bev where they have
a bit of a giggle about being in a stable relationship with My Little Pony
until Bob rings Liz on the mobile. Bev gets her to persuade Bob to
come to the flat and when he turns up there all sorry for himself, the two
of them peck at him in a way I’ve seen two magpies knock a pigeon senseless
at the bottom of our garden. Liz tells Bob: “You can stick your long
lens where the sun don’t shine” and with that, he galloped away into the sunset,
last seen high on a hill in a Salford meadow.
Shelly tries again to get back to work and gets glitzed up in her best
blinging clothes for an afternoon session in the bar. Charlie tells
her she’s a bit over-dressed and it’s true she is, looking more like she’s
going to a Licensed Victuallers do… and just where is Stella Rigby these
days?. Anyway, she doesn’t make it downstairs just yet. She might have
new eyes but she still can’t see what’s going on and Charlie takes full
advantage. After hours, Shelly’s nipped-and-tucked-up in bed, Charlie’s downstairs
with some floozy in the back room who’s feeling a bit warm so he’s helping
her remove all her clothes. Shelly comes downstairs to the bar and catches
Charlie at it. Does she throw him out? Does she heck as like, she
doesn’t even throw a tantrum. He says he’ll leave in the morning,
she asks him to marry her. He says no, blames her for everything,
she simpers and cries and says he can’t go. Oh, for goodness sake.
Working behind the bar of the Rovers for as long as she’s done so, Betty
has seen a thing or two and I refuse to believe that her character wouldn’t
know that Sean is gay. Her little asides about him finding the right girl
have fallen flat in our house anyway. Never mind, Sean’s deep in Love
with Tim and reckons he’s the One. But when they’re out one night for pizza
some bloke called Lee turns up, spoils the night and turns Sean’s world upside
down. It looks like Lee and Tim are very much a couple and Tim has lied
to Sean.
And finally this week, Phil the reflexologist starts work at the health
centre and it’s daggers drawn as both Gail and Eileen get the hots for the
man with the healing hands. Just whose bunions will he squeeze first?
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
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