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Coronation Street Weekly Updates
for the internet since 1995.
This week's update was
written by John Dean while Glenda was on holiday.
Like Scooter, preparing to tell the Magistrate that his preservation
work with carp is comparable to Gorillas in the Mist. "I did it for the
fish". "Back to the dock, Henry Fonda," is the Magistrate's riposte.
Gail's appearance as a character witness hits the skids when the Magistrates
recollect she was married to Richard Hillman. "Not such a good judge
of character, then?" queries the beak. "I am now," squeaks the valiant
Gail. Guilty. Fined £100. Next.
Meanwhile, Ea***nders reject Nathan is the object of Joanne's affection
(she of the "oh we can't tell them apart" twins). The Underworld Gels
engineer a date for the pair but Joanne fails to sparkle and Nathan
gives up on her.
Poisonous Tracy tries to provoke Steve into hitting her but fails. (How?
All she needed to do was stand still). And she is less than pleased
when Steve tells her the Police are not proceeding with any charges
related to the "Amy kidnap" story. In fact, she's so unhappy she even
puts her teeth away for 30 seconds, allowing me to remove the sunglasses
for a brief respite. Eileen and Bev and his solicitor advise Steve
to keep a cool head and not let Tracy provoke him. "Do you think I'm
the village idiot?" asks Steve. "Well," points out Eileen, "you DID
impregnate Tracy Barlow." And Tracy is now round the caff warning Roy
and Hayley off any idea of supporting Steve if they want to see Amy
again.
Danny's Mum turns up from Walford after the funeral and the Baldwin
family have a good old-fashioned Easten**** knees-up round the breakfast
table. Then while she and Mike are having a walk, she confesses that
Mike is Danny's Dad. I mean. Stone the crows. Stand on me. Hold up.
As Penny says, on hearing the news, "Oh no. Not another one." Although
Mike points out with some poignancy "I've fathered three sons and
I'm no-one's Dad."
At the court hearing over custody of Amy, Tracy insists Steve is not
the father but Steve's brief puts in a telling Perry Mason question
"If he's not the father, why have you been accepting money from him?"
(Although if it had been me, my answer would have been "Because he
offered and because I wanted it.") The judge decides the court will
accept that Steve is Amy's father. But Tracy persuades him that Steve
has threatened her so he issues an injunction preventing Steve from
having contact with Amy or Tracy for the next 14 days. Boo!
Sean decides to turn up at the vets to confront Tim with a bunch of
daffs, only to see him getting into a car with another bloke whom he kisses.
So the good news for Sean is that Tim seems to be gay and the bad news is
he seems to be spoken for.
And after all the suspense, the Big Fight is on. Mad Dog Maddocks floors
Ashley "The Butcher" Peacock after Clare has distracted him. Mad Dog's
girl friend (Mad Bitch) calls Clare a lady boy, a tattoo with a bloke's
face behind it sets about Ashley's supporters and a full scale riot
breaks out. The riot police arrive about 30 seconds after the first
chair is thrown (which is good going, even for Weatherfield) and
the story ends with the two boxers in the ring being the only people
who are NOT fighting each other. They agree to call it a draw.
Oh, and Fred threatens to sack Shelley. Which cheered me up because
it reminded me my spell on duty here didn't involve watching any
of the ridiculous Charlie / Shelley storyline.
John Dean
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