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Yes, the bells were ringing for Ken and Deirdre when they tied the knot
for the second time. The first time, 24 years ago, I can barely remember.
Mind you, I was probably hanging around outside the chippy trying (and failing)
to get chatted up by a spotty sixth-former instead of sitting in and watching
Corrie with the 'rents. As the day approached, Deirdre's taken out
on her hen night with just the right amount of pals to each wear one of the
letters from her name on a t-shirt, so we had D-Tracy, E-Frankie, I-Liz, R-Eileen,
D-Emily, R-Rita and E-Sunita. However, Ray didn't see the funny side
when Tracy, Liz and Frankie stood in front of him in their t-shirts as the
girls got ready for their big night out. Deirdre's in pink wings and
devil horns for a pizza and cheap wine in town as Ken sits in the Rovers surrounded
by men who've woken up with Deirdre by their side in the past (Ray, Mike)
although some may have enjoyed the experience less than others (Dev). Ken
proposes a toast to himself, the luckiest man in the world as Mike looks
uncomfortable and Ray looks very ill. On the day of the wedding, Liz has
slept overnight on the sofa and Blanche is wondering where she's gone.
"Who?" asks Deirdre. And in a wonderful line Blanche replies: "Her,
the one with roots as dark as her soul". Blanche and Deirdre have a bit of
a moment by the sideboard before they set off for the register office and
then it's chocs away, party frocks and hats time. Adam's the best man and
Mike's with Penny King who's dressed in green. Vera's also in green with a
hat made out of one of Jack's pigeons. Ray's there looking ill, with
Rita who's lovely in lilac. Liz is in animal prints and Betty's in a cardi.
Tracy's in orange and Emily's in deep purple (now there's something I never
thought I'd put into an update) and the fragrant Audrey's in a pink trouser
suit. Ken's in a suit from Greenwoods with a tie from the back of the
wardrobe and Deirdre's in a pale green outfit with a frill on her
head. Fred takes the wedding photos: "Everyone say sausages!" And there you
have it. He did, she did He will, she will. Oh Ken. Oh Deirdre. Kiss
kiss, back to the Rovers, drink drink. Everyone on the floor for the
hokey-cokey putting their left arm in, their left arm out, Ray has his Martha
Longhurst moment and dies in the pub, in, out, in out, and shake it all
about. You do the hokey-cokey and you call an ambulance but it's too
late, Ray's gone and croaked to the hokey-cokey. Determined not to
let this spoil Ken and Deirdre's honeymoon, Tracy says she'll make all the
funeral arrangements and sends them off on their jollies with Deirdre in
tears.
Elsewhere this week Chesney readies himself to be called up to spend the
rest of his life in Spain although, technically, Cilla and Les haven't yet
been in touch. Roy guides Chesney through the difficulties of the Spanish
language although it's my experience that Chesney already knows the essentials
when he says Les has taught him: "Dos cervezas por favor!" Chesney
thinks Schemicel will need a passport too if he's to travel to Spain with
the dog and attempts to get the Great Dane into the photo booth with him
to take his passport photo. As you can imagine, not a great success.
After Fred fell through the hole in Audrey's lawn last week, he's been
told by Roy and Ken that the area around Grasmere Drive where Audrey lives
is the centre of a Saxon well. The water from the well is reputed to
have healing waters that never run dry. Fred spots a marketing opportunity
and wants to install pipes and a filtration plant in Audrey's back yard.
He gives Audrey flowers and suggests dinner to talk things through but she's
not convinced, you can tell.
Tyrone and Maria get frisky in the office at the garage and in walks Blanche's
friend Lana who catches them at it. You know, it. She demands brandy,
and lots of it, to steady her nerves and then blackmails Tryone into doing
her MOT on the cheap and tells Maria she wants free cut and curls in the
salon or else she'll tell Kev all about it when he returns from his hols.
When Jamie takes the Underworld van up to Carlisle on a delivery job,
he leaves Leanne missing out on a big date with him, he'd promised to take
her to eat at The Clock. Hang on, just checking my notes here, yes
it says Clock. At a loose end, Leanne chats to Danny in the Rovers
and the pair of them end up eating out and flirting over red wine, both lying
to their partners afterwards about where they've both been.
Katy returns to the Harris house and tries to put herself into a coma.
She smashes her diabetes medication and shovels spoonfuls of sugar to make
herself as ill as possible while watching a karaoke video of Angela and Tommy,
which I would have thought would have been enough to put anyone in a coma.
Martin stays overnight at Gail's, on the sofa, feeling lonely and low and
needing his family. The next morning he hears music coming through
the walls from next door, pops round to see what's going on and finds Katy
lying on the sofa after Scooter kicks in the door. Is there no end to this
man's talents? He'd only just got a broken lava lamp working! An ambulance
is called and the credits rolled.
And that's just about that for this week.
Glenda
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